


I'm Not Ready

by notdarkyet



Category: Die Vermessung der Welt | Measuring the World - Daniel Kehlmann, Historical RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Hunger Games-Typical Death/Violence, Multi, minor character death during Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6757606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notdarkyet/pseuds/notdarkyet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander is in the arena because of Wilhelm.<br/>Johanna is in the arena because of Carl.<br/>Aimé is in the arena because of himself.</p><p>Forgiveness is a big scary word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One - I

**Author's Note:**

> Behold there's lots of tropes and cliches ahead. Only the best for you.
> 
> I made a playlist for this bc that's what I do - I tried to make it not too grim but gentle and folk-y  
> [tracklist](http://s32.postimg.org/vjunc8vbp/I_m_Not_Ready_tracklist.png)  
> [download](http://ge.tt/4v943da2)

Secrets are mine to keep,  
protected by silent sleep.  
I'm not ready for the weight of us.  
                                    \- _The Weight Of Us_ (Sanders Bohlke)  
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

 

"I volunteer," Aimé yelled and even though the plaza had already been silent, he could have sworn people now stopped breathing all together as they all stared at him. One of the escorts of twelve, Copper, cleared his throat, his hand still hovering above the bowl of paper slips. The crowd turned back to the stage.

"Young man, while I find your courage inspiring, I think you have to wait for someone to be chosen to actually volunteer for." He looked unsure at his fellow escort, Moe, but she shrugged.

"Formally, I guess that's required, yeah."

He looked around but no one else seemed to have an opinion so he took a paper slip out of the bowl. "Ilja Ripword"

The heads of the people whipped around, not to the small boy Ilja, but to Aimé.

"So...," Copper said.

"Do I have to say it again or...?"

"I-" Copper started, but Moe cut him off, "Just come up here, boy." Aimé made his way up the steps to the small stage.

"A volunteer, how exciting!" Copper said as Aimé stood next to him. His voice echoed across the plaza.

"And now onto our female tribute." he walked over to another bowl and took out a slip. "Johanna Gauß."

There was a scream but not from the crowd of girls that now parted for Johanna, but from the crowd of onlookers. A young man, too old to be eligible for reaping, was trying to get to Johanna. He was scrawny and looked slightly sickly, even next to the other people of twelve, so the peacekeepers didn't budge even as he threw himself at them with his whole weight, still screaming. Johanna on the other hand looked very collected as she walked up next to Aimé. Out of the corner of his eye Aimé saw her smile softly at the man in the crowd and make a small calming hand gesture and he quieted and stopped struggling.

"Fantastic, Johanna Gauß and- what's your name?", he asked Aimé.

"Aimé Bonpland."

"And Aimé Bonpland. Now that we have two brave tributes from distinct twelve, there is nothing left for me to do except wish you all happy Hunger Games and may the odds be ever in our favor."

Aimé and Johanna were ushered into the city hall, followed by the two escorts and put into separate rooms. Aimé knew this was the part where the tributes friends and family could come and say their goodbyes. He also knew that no one would be coming for him so he just wandered around the room, looking at the paintings and out the window, where people just started leaving the plaza. From the hallway he could hear the man from earlier yell "The capitol can suck my-" before a door slammed shut, muffling his voice. Aimé wondered whether he was a brother of Johanna's, or maybe her boyfriend. Maybe it was better, he thought, not to have anyone. But then again if there was something for him in twelve he'd not have volunteered today.

Will they think I'm brave, he though, to sacrifice myself so no other innocent kid has to, a martyr, or will they just think I'm crazy? While he was waiting, he searched through the cupboards and cabinets in the room for something to drink. He could feel the dull edge of a hangover rushing in and didn't want to be sober ever again. He'd drunk earlier today for courage, and last night because sleep wasn't happening and the night before that because it felt like hunger was eating the inside of his stomach, so now his head was throbbing. There was nothing alcoholic in the room only a carafe with water so he drank that.

 

They were brought onto the train to take them to the capitol shortly after. It was all beautiful, all like on television, except somehow even more fake looking.

They sat together in the dining car with their escorts, Moe and Copper. Aimé didn't eat, but was nursing a glass of liquor, despite protest from Copper.  
Johanna managed to almost look like she hadn't been crying. She also looked like she was going to throw up, but was still wolfing down food with determination.  
Clever girl, Aimé thought, We have a fighter. Copper was crinkling his surgically cute nose at Johanna's eating habits. Moe watched, a corner of her mouth twitching up in amusement. "

So, tell me something about yourselves." Copper said sickeningly enthusiastically. Aimé glanced over to Johanna who was chewing while looking none the wiser what to say to this man who clearly had no concept of life in the Seam.

"Who was that young man so emotional about you getting reaped?" Copper prompted obviously assuming that'd be a helpful conversation starter.

Johanna froze mid chewing. Then she held up one trembling hand, revealing a thin metal band around her finger.

Copper gasped, "Oh, darling. No surprise he was so distressed. I am sorry." He didn't sound sorry. He sounded excited. "When did you get married?" His eyes flicked down to where Johanna's stomach was concealed by the table, "You're not-"

"Copper," Moe said with a firm voice interrupting him. "Why don't you finish eating first and we can talk about it later."

Aimé hadn't heard her speak since the reaping and was almost surprised by the hint of gentleness in her voice. She just didn't look the gentle, tactful type with her black clothes that were actually black, not like the black clothes people in twelve wore which were of a dusty black, washed out and smudged with coal, but jet black like you were staring into a black hole.

Johanna continued eating and there was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Eventually Aimé gently put his hand on Johanna's, that was holding her fork. "You should take it slow or it's all gonna come back up faster than you can say Happy Hunger Games. You'll have plenty of time to gain a few pounds before the games."

Johanna nodded slowly and put her fork down. She looked almost relieved to stop eating.

They were brought to their cabins after that to 'settle in'. Aimé wondered what that meant as there were no clothes to unpack and so he was inspecting the colorful strange smelling bottles of soap in the bathroom when he heard a tentative knock on his door.

It was Johanna. Aimé gestured her in understanding that the last thing she wanted to be right now was alone.

"So have you 'settled in'?"

She shot him a defiant look. They ended up watching some Capitol soap opera on the giant television, neither of them really paying attention. Later Aimé held Johanna as she threw up. He found some ginger and peppermint in the kitchen and made her tea to settle her stomach.

"Do you still grow herbs in your garden back home?" Johanna asked him.

Aimé looked up, surprised she knew that much about him. In twelve he was kind of invisible, no family, the people he did know barely friends more acquaintances. He made a decent living from selling the herbs he grew to the pharmacist and some healers and sometimes on the Hub and when he was short on money he could grow some vegetables for himself. The soil in twelve was barren and dusty and things did not grow easily, but Aimé was patient and he had love for all things growing so he managed to coax broadleaf plantain and sage and valerian out of the dirt.

"When my baby sister was teething you gave us some chamomile. She had been crying for days and you said you were annoyed by it and couldn't hear it any longer and you showed me how to boil the chamomile and put it in a piece of cloth and let her suck on it. You didn't even charge anything for it."

"Hm," Aimé hummed but he didn't remember. Johanna was quiet for a while but Aimé could tell she wanted to say something, was considering the right words. Aimé knew what was coming.

"Why did you volunteer?", she said then, looking him dead in the eye.

Aimé held her stare, "Let that be my worry and be glad that it wasn't the little Ribwort boy who I know has asthma and would have dropped dead ten seconds into the games just from the excitement."

"You are going to die." she said.

Aimé shrugged but it didn't come as nonchalantly as he was going for.

She laughed. It sounded hollow. "Oh, don't tell me you don't care."

"It's not about whether I care. It's about whether someone else cares. Yesterday I was thinking, if I got reaped tomorrow, would anyone care? For most of those other kids there are parents having to watch their sons get slaughtered publicly."

Her eyes went soft then and Aimé knew she drew the wrong conclusion. "Oh. That's - that's very selfless of you."

"No, it's not. That's not why I volunteered! I mean I wish it was. That is the kind of person I'd like to be but I'm just-"

Johanna interrupted him, her voice so small, "This is a suicide mission? I mean, it is for everyone. But you're going willingly."

"Don't you think if I wanted to commit suicide I couldn't just take one of the dozens plants I know the exact lethal doze of?" he said but he did not sound so sure.

Johanna did not press the issue. After a moment of silence she said, "Carl was so angry about not being allowed to volunteer for me. He would have on the spot."

"Carl's your..." Aimé nodded at the band on her finger.

"Yes. We married only a few months ago. This would have been my last year of reaping. I somehow had a feeling it wouldn't go well. I made preparations. Carl is a good man but he won't make it alone. He forgets to eat if I don't remind him," she smiled softly, "If I don't make it back, he's gonna marry my best friend Minna, so he'll have someone to take care of him."

Aimé was amazed by how calm and practical she talked about her husband marrying someone else. He also noticed how she said if, not when she didn't make it back, and he really wanted her to win.

Copper opened the door then without knocking and Aimé and Johanna looked up startled. "Moe and I are watching the reaping ceremonies of the other distinct and having a little tea. Would you like to join?"

Aimé shrugged, so Johanna said "Sure."

For Aimé the other tributes were one face after the other with little meaning. He watched Johanna more than the screen and he could see her mentally taking notes on her future competitors. Copper was giving a running commentary on who he thought would be easy to beat and who to look out for. Moe was cleaning her fingernails with a knife.

 

The days on the train went by quicker than Aimé would have thought. He taught Johanna to slowly increase her portions so she could keep her food down. He also taught her what he knew about plants that could come in handy in the arena, which plants were poisonous, which she could put on a wound to ward of infection. Every time she would say how sorry she was that she could barely teach him anything. He said, it didn't matter, he wasn't trying to outlast anyone.

Arriving at the capitol was mainly overwhelming. Colors and smells and sounds all rushed past Aimé, barely leaving an impression. They met their stylist Safran who talked in a voice so slow Aimé had trouble remembering the beginning of a sentence once he had finished it but he was gentle and actually asked them what they would be comfortable with wearing.

Johanna was declared sweet and Aimé roguishly handsome by the team around Safran. Their makeup for the tribute parade was mainly just coal dust around their eyes that in Aimé's opinion made them look like raccoons and their costumes turned out to be mainly sooty ropes artfully draped around their bodies. They didn't look too bad and actually covered a decent amount of their bodies as long as they didn't move too much. After an embarrassing episode in the dressing room where Aimé had tried to pick something up from the floor and the ropes had somehow slipped and disentangled in just the wrong places and Copper had gasped and Moe whistled, he was now trying to stand very still next to their chariot and Johanna who was sizing up the other tributes around them.

"Jo." Aimé bit his lip.

"What?" Johanna didn't take her eyes of the male tribute from two, whether it was to gauge his potential as her murderer or because he was shirtless save a metal chain across his torso like a sash, slick machine oil dripping from the chain links onto his abs, Aimé couldn't tell.

"I have to pee. Do you think there's enough time?"

Johanna looked at him amused, "Yeah, there's still a few minutes. Go ahead, I'll save you a seat."

Aimé mumbled a thanks then went off to look for a bathroom. He didn't get very far, just down a hallway, around a corner - then he found himself crashing into someone. When he looked up it was into the storm-grey eyes of another tribute.

"Sorry," Aimé said. The boy he had run into looked down on himself.

"Shit. Sorry," Aimé said again. The boy's clothes were of a bright warm yellow like the fields of wheat in district 9 but across it were black sooty stripes where Aimé had bumped into him with his coal dusted ropes. The boy opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by a woman walking up to them.

"Alexander, there you are. We're almost ready to go.", she started fuzzing with his hair which was wavy and golden like the wheat his costume was imitating. Then her eyes went to the black smudges on his front, "What on earth-" Her eyes fell on Aimé, his costume, she shook her head slightly, pursing her lips, before she ushered the district 9 boy back to the chariots.

Aimé hurried to the bathrooms and when he came back the other tributes and their entourages were whispering and looking at him, when before they barely payed him any attention.

"What's going on?", he mumbled as he stood next to Johanna but she didn't get a chance to answer.

Copper was coming over gesticulating wildly, "Come on, we're ready to go. Aimé, you'll have some explaining to do later, but for now just please try to look presentable."

They were waiting for the other districts' chariots to go past as twelve would enter the training center's courtyard last. Aimé watched district 9's chariot go by. The girl from nine was small, maybe thirteen, her blond hair in braids made to look like ears of wheat. The boy next to her was staring straight ahead.

Moe was walking around Aimé and Johanna's chariot making sure everything was in place and caught him staring. She smirked, "Nice one, kid."

Aimé wondered what could possibly have happened in the two minutes between bumping into the boy from nine and coming back from the bathroom but was momentarily distracted as their chariot went through the gates into the courtyard were he was blinded by light and noise. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Johanna wave but he didn't trust his costume enough to attempt such a risky move.

 

After the tribute parade back in their apartment, they watched the replay with Caesar Flickermann and Claudius Templesmith commenting on this year's costumes. When the chariot of district nine appeared, Caesar nodded appreciatively.

"Beautiful costumes on Alexander Humboldt and Suzie Emmer this year. You can barely look at them. They're shining like the actual sun."

"Absolutely, Caesar. Now, dear viewers, if the name Humboldt sounds familiar to you, you might remember the games from three years ago, when it was actually the boy's older brother, Wilhelm Humboldt, who was the victor, can you believe that?"

"Incredible. What are the odds of two brothers being reaped?"

"Well, if I were young Alexander I would worry more about the odds of two brothers winning the games."

They both laughed and Aimé felt sick. The screen showed a close up of Alexander.

Claudius leaned forward, "But wait, what's that on his costume?"

Despite obvious efforts to dust off the stains left by Aimé's costume you could still see faint streaks of coal black.

"Now, if I'm not mistaken nine's stylist is Aura Lennox. It's not like her at all to spoil a clean classic design with details like this. Maybe it is supposed to symbolize the dirt wheat grows from but for me it just doesn't work."

Caesar nodded, "Yes, but I almost think this detail was not done by Aura. It isn't even on Miss Emmer's costume. Dear viewers, I think we got ourselves a wardrobe malfunction. To me it almost looks like Mr Humboldt ran into a freshly painted wall."

"Well, I'm sure we'll hear all about it in the stylist interviews later today. Stay tuned, dear viewers. Now we have the tributes from district ten and oh, it looks like they've gone for leather outfits again, not the most fortunate..."

Aimé watched the tributes from ten and eleven go by. To him it seemed that by this point the commentators had already forgotten nine's costumes.

"And we are already at district twelve. Now, twelve's Aimé Bonpland surprised us all at the reaping when he volunteered before there was someone to volunteer for. I can't wait for those interview."

"Me neither. Next to him we see Johanna Gauß, who got married only months ago. Look at the reaction of her fiance at the ceremony."

A video popped up on the screen of Carl the moment Johanna's name got called. Claudius wiped a non-existent tear from his eye, "I do like a tragic love story, don't you."

Next to him Aimé could see the muscles in Johanna's jaw tighten as she gritted her teeth but she didn't look away from the screen.

"The outfits from twelve are not the worst I've seen. I believe these are ropes like they would use in the mines."

From his seat on the coach Aimé watched on screen how one horse of their chariot stumbled slightly and saw himself put a hand to his chest to keep the ropes in place. He remembered this happening but didn't think it was a big deal. What he could now see on screen was that as he took his hand away it was streaked with soot from the ropes. The two commentators on screen had seen it too and looked at each other.

"Now I don't wanna draw any hasty conclusions, but that looks like the color of the ropes rubs off..."

"And it almost appears like Humboldt's costume had a brief encounter with Bonpland's."

"Now now, that could have happened any couple of ways. Maybe just from unfortunate costume storage." Caesar was grinning like a wolf, he knew it couldn't have happened that way.

"Still we would like to remind all tributes that any kind of combat before the actual games is strictly prohibited."

"Even the fun kind?" Claudius said and winked into the camera.

"Especially the fun kind." Caesar stilled and listened to his earpiece for a moment, "I'm being told all the chariots are in place and it's time for President Snow to officially open the games. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand up for the official anthem of Panem."

Aimé turned away from the screen and he realized that everyone in the room, Johanna and their team of escorts and stylists, was looking at him.

"You didn't really beat the boy from nine up, did you?", Johanna asked him wide eyed.

"You really think...?" Aimé looked around the room where everyone stared at him slightly uncomfortable. Moe shrugged.

"Did he look beaten up to you? Listen, I just ran into him when I was going to the bathroom. He can tell you that."

"Hm, I don't doubt that. Thing is, you having a fight isn't even the most popular theory anymore." Moe nodded towards the screen, where they were now showing red carpet interviews of celebrities going to the after party of the tribute parade. The reporter was standing next to a glamorous woman, that Aimé recognized as a movie star.

"Very exciting opening. We know you like to do a bit of betting on the victor. Already any favorites?" He held his microphone toward the woman.

"Well, obviously one and two have strong contenders like every year. But I do like an underdog, so I will pay close attention to the boy from twelve."

The reporter nodded, "The wildcard, as people are already calling him. Full of surprises."

"Yes, I'm excited to see more of him. And the boy from nine." she laughed her fake garish laugh.

"I already talked to many people today who think it's more than a premature quarrel. Thoughts on that?"

"Well, I understand that if you're that age and you might have only a few days left to live ... Hmm, all I'm saying is aggression can turn into sexual tension quicker than you think."

The reporter turned back to the camera, "Thank you, and back to he studio."

Aimé's mouth fell open. "What the f-"

"No need for such strong language, young man." Copper interrupted him.

"Actually this is not bad.", Moe rested her chin in her hand, thinking, "Tributes from twelve are so easily overlooked. You're pretty good at bringing some attention to you so far. We'll just have to make a good plan for the interviews."

Aimé buried his face in his hands, "This is not how I wanted this to go."

Moe shrugged, "Well, honey, seems like the odds are not in your favor, tough luck."

Johanna looked at him with disbelieve, "Did you even think this through?"

"Did you?"Aimé countered defensively.

"I got drawn, you volunteered! You must have thought about what that entailed."

Moe sneered, "You've seen him, you can bet he makes shit up as he goes."

Copper gasped and Moe shot him an annoyed look, "Oh, come on."

Aimé could see Copper blush even under all his makeup as he fuzzed with his electronic timetable. 

"We should get going. They want you down in the training center in a few minutes."

 

After going down an elevator for what felt like half an hour they met the other tributes, dressed like them in sleek active wear, black with neon highlights following the latest capitol trend. Sports clothing was an unknown thing in twelve, where you didn't waste precious calories on unnecessary running about. Aimé got a glimpse of Alexander, the boy from nine. He almost didn't recognize the girl next to him as Suzie, because now she had mouse brown hair, that they must have died blonde for the ceremony to fit all the wheat. Alexander's hair was still golden blonde though and it clashed beautifully with the neon pink collar detail on his shirt. There was a short introduction by one of the trainers, in which area they could train which skills and the like.

Aimé didn't know where to go at first, so for a while he watched Johanna carve a blow gun and darts out of wood.

"You can make these deadly if you know which plants to use," he told her, "Curare is the traditional poison of choice in this case but just about anything from nightlock to water hemlock will do the job, even oleander."

"Oleander is very ineffective," someone said from behind them and Aimé and Johanna spun around. It was Alexander, from nine. He picked up one poison dart and poked the tip with his finger. "With oleander you leave plenty time for them to find you because you just revealed your location, and kill you before they even start to vomit. Also you need your darts to be sharper. These won't even pierce skin, let alone clothes." He stabbed the dart at his own chest to prove the point.

"I don't believe we've met." He put the dart down and extended a hand to Johanna who took it hesitantly. "Alexander Humboldt, pleasure."

He also held his hand out to Aimé, who kept his arms crossed.

"I believe we've met."

Alexander didn't move his hand an inch, "Yes. Not so easy to forget when you're the reason we had to redo my entire interview strategy. Still, we haven't been introduced."

Aimé took his hand but made sure to squeeze his fingers hard.

Alexander didn't flinch, "I have to compliment you on your knowledge of plants."

"Likewise." Aimé said. He felt a strange tension between them that he was not sure he wanted.

"Although you should have known that oleander despite it's reputation is hardly ever deadly."

"Thank you for telling me. I have very little first hand experience with that particular plant."

"You're welcome. I conducted an extensive series of experiments with oleander a few years ago."

"Good to know."

Next to them Johanna cleared her throat. Aimé looked at her, then down where he was still holding Alexander's hand. Two of the careers that had been training nearby were snickering. Alexander let his hand go like he burned himself.

"It was nice meeting you, Alexander," Johanna said gently, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Do you have an ally yet?" Alexander blurted out.

Johanna blushed and smiled at Alexander apologetically, "The point evaluation hasn't even happened yet. We'll have to consult with our team first. Right, Aimé?"

One of the careers, the boy from one, who had a three o'clock shadow and looked too old to should have been able to qualified for the reaping, wandered over from his training station. He was still playing with a butterfly knife, snapping it open and closed and spinning it around his fingers.

"Hey, Humboldt, I watched your brother kill a guy three years ago. Think you got it in you?"

In that moment Aimé realized that the boy from nine didn't. He didn't know how he could tell but just like he was sure Johanna could kill if something depended on it, he also knew Alexander would never. There was a softness about him, shielded poorly by an illusion of composure. Aimé could also tell that the career had come to the same conclusion.

"Hope that you don't find out." Alexander said but it was empty talk and he knew it and so did the career, who grinned and walked back to his station to throw knifes at a target with an ease that made Aimé's skin crawl.

"I'll have to excuse myself. I promised Suzie to teach her how to make fire." Alexander inclined his head slightly towards Johanna and Aimé and wandered off.

"Have you seen the games his brother was in?" Johanna asked quietly as soon as Alexander was out of earshot. Aimé nodded. Compulsory viewing laws didn't give you much of a choice.

"His brother looked just like him." Johanna said but Aimé couldn't remember, the games blended together over the years.

Aimé spent the rest of the afternoon making himself familiar with the cross bows they had at the training range. At first he didn't expect the recoil and it made him stumble much to the amusement of the tributes from two who had probably held their first gun before they had learned how to walk, but after a few times he managed to hit the target dummy in the chest. The bolt went in easy and even though the dummy was just a torso and head, without a face or limbs, Aimé found himself dry heaving in the bathroom.


	2. Part One - II

 

Copper called a meeting with the whole team the next day to discuss the upcoming interviews. He started with Johanna, who was in his words the more manageable one. She was kind and winsome but still feisty enough not to be boring, she had a tragic backstory, a husband waiting at home, the promise of children to come.

"I see her in something simple and white, maybe with flowers. I want the association that it is a dress she might wear when she is at home with her husband making him tea," Safran said and Aimé could see Johanna mentally roll her eyes. White clothes didn't last long in the seam, they were not practical for a miner's daughter.

"You have to learn to sit with your legs closed also." Copper said tapping against Johanna's knee.

Moe shrugged, "Isn't that part of the rural charm? Also I'd like to stress again that you cannot play the tragic young love part up enough. The sponsors will eat that up and the other tributes will think you're mentally unstable and not a threat. Being underestimate is the thing you got going for you."

Johanna nodded very businesslike. The conversation on Johanna died down quickly and Aimé could feel everyone's eyes turning to him. There was a moment of silence, when everyone was thinking about what Aimé had going for him.

"So, you're a healer?" Copper said.

"A gardener. Sometimes I help people but yeah."

Safran's face lit up. "So flowers!"

"No, I don't really grow flowers. Mostly herbs, some spices."

There were another few seconds of silence.

"Well, you volunteered to save some kid's life. That's a tearjerker," Moe suggested but didn't sound so sure.

Johanna shook her head, "But that's only so effective when there's no particular person to show for. If he had a brother or friend he'd volunteered for - that's the kind of stuff people want to see."

"Aimé, I hate to bring this up but Caesar is definitely gonna ask you about the boy from nine." Saying this Moe looked like she didn't hate to bring the topic up at all.

Aimé shrugged, "I'll just tell him what happened so what."

"The problem I see with that," she continued slowly, "is that Mr Humboldt has his interview first."

"So? Even better, he can tell Caesar and then the question is over and done with."

"Aimé he - he might not tell the truth." Copper said carefully. Aimé looked confused.

Johanna frowned and asked, "You said you've seen his brother's games?"

"I guess I did, but I hardly remember every game."

"Wilhelm Humboldt won the games with only killing one tribute himself," Johanna said quietly, "He got through by talking his way into the career pack early on, then plotting them against each other later. It was strangely fascinating to watch, he was so persuasive, could talk anyone into doing anything."

"I think he works as a politician now," Copper added, "We shouldn't rule out that he showed his brother one or two tricks."

Aimé thought back on his meeting with Alexander but he hadn't struck him as an articulate wunderkind. "So, what you're saying is there's really no preparing for this since I'll more or less have to go along with whatever story he makes up."

"I think they are a couple of scenarios we should try to entertain," Moe said, pointedly ignoring Copper taking out paper and pen to take notes, "If he does tell what you say is the truth-"

"It is-" Aimé interjected indignantly, but Moe kept talking over him, "- then we're good. Caesar might make a comment on it, joke probably, but no worries. Humboldt might also say you tried to pick a fight. Which will make you look like a hotheaded asshole. Do not get defensive in that situation. Show them you are the bigger person, explain you were nervous before the chariot event, you overacted ... we can practice this later. He might make up other things, we'll have to react to on the spot. Between his interview and yours there are ... let's see, three other interviews which should gives us a good moment to regroup," she paused for a moment, "Then we have to consider the possibility that he plays along with what people in the capitol are waiting to hear."

Johanna and Copper nodded understandingly but again Aimé couldn't quite follow, "What are people waiting to hear?"

Copper smiled at him patronizingly, "Oh darling, I'm beginning to think you're living under a rock."

"Haven't you seen?" Johanna asked him.

Aimé shook his head and Moe connected her tablet to a television screen. She opened a sort of gossip newspaper headline. It read in garishly bold, red font 'Twelve and nine are siting in a tree ...' above pictures of Alexander and Aimé in their chariot costumes, the black stripes on Alexander's costume very prominent. Moe pushed a few buttons and another newspaper headline appeared reading 'Fraternization between twelve and nine?' with a blurry picture of Aimé and Alexander shaking hands in the training center.

Aimé frowned, "Hey, how'd they get that? Press is not allowed in the training center."

"No, but that doesn't stop them." Moe said and put up another picture, this time a photograph taken in one of the hunger games merchandise shops that sold anything from action figures of victors and replicas of weapons to the official hunger games reaping ball fish bowl. The photo showed a display with cups and collection plates with the faces of this year's tributes on it. Very prominently in the middle were plates that had both Alexander's and Aimé's face on it next to a heart with an arrow through it.

"People are into this?" Aimé asked.

Mow laughed dryly, "Oh, you have no idea how into this people are."

She brought up a clip from a capitol talk show that had three people sitting on a couch in front of a screen that showed the same newspaper headline Moe had shown first.

"And now onto our favorite topic.", the show's host said into the camera, "Aimé and Alexander, twelve and nine, is it love?"

"No way." Aimé said incredulously, staring at the screen.

"Yes," said one of the talk show guests, "I believe we are witnessing young love that developed in the most unlikely of circumstances."

The other guest nodded enthusiastically, "Aimé Bonpland and Alexander Humboldt are both from poorer districts, so they probably have a lot in common. To think they would have never met if it weren't for the games.", he said obviously enraptured.

Aimé looked around whether there was a trashcan nearby in case he had to throw up.

"A lot of people are saying to be realistic, that there's no actual evidence to support that there is anything going on between the two tributes," the host said matter-of-factly.

Both the guests shot her an angry look. "Of cause they are trying to keep it a secret so they have to be discreet about it. We probably wouldn't even know about it if they hadn't been caught in a burst of passion right before the chariot rides."

Aimé had a coughing fit at 'burst of passion'.

"This was the first clue but not the last," the talk show guest continued, "Just yesterday we got to see a picture of Aimé and Alexander actually interacting during training." The guests voice was almost cracking with excitement. Behind them the photo of Alexander and Aimé shaking hands appeared on the screen.

"You can see their connection, see that it is more than just a handshake, the way they are looking a each other."

The paparazzi picture was way too blurry to make out any facial expressions but that didn't seem to stop the talk show guest.

"The way Alexander holds Aimé's hand with dominance, it's clear to me that he initiated their relationship."

The other guest who up to this point had nodded and smiled, shook his head with incomprehension at the last sentence, "If one of them took the first step it has to be Aimé. He is spontaneous and clearly a bit of a philanderer. No doubt he's also the more adventurous one in bed."

"If you honestly believe Alexander, son of a family of diplomats, would be anything less than a top -"

Aimé's eyes went wide and he dealt with the situation the only way he knew by taking a swig of liquor which promptly resulted in him nearly choking.

Moe turned the screen off.

Next to Aimé Johanna had been trying to suppress laughter for the last few minutes and was almost crying. "So Aimé, do tell, are you a top?"

Aimé threw a pillow at her and ignored her muffled curses. "So what are we going to do about this?", he asked Moe.

Moe grabbed Johanna's wrist as she was about to throw the pillow back at Aimé, "Basically nothing we can do. Capitol's always obsessing over the private life of tributes. There are similar rumors going on about the boy and girl from seven who apparently got a bit too close when she was crying on his shoulder after she got reaped. Don't let it get to you. You shouldn't care as long as it brings you sponsors."

"Just don't actually fuck him." Johanna said in place of throwing a pillow. Copper winced at the curse word. "Remember that you might have to kill him later."

"Gee, thanks for the advice, Jo. And here I was just about to jump his bones," Aimé snarled at Johanna.

Moe pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers, "Okay thanks, kids. I think that's enough for today. There are another two training days, then it's onto interviews."

 

The next day on the training floor Aimé found himself looking for Alexander. As Johanna taught him how to climb a rope, he was watching Alexander follow an instructor's pointers in building a shelter out of sticks and foliage. The shelter looked very wonky and not at all like it would be rainproof.

"Hey! Earth to Aimé." Johanna said next to him and Aimé was so startled he lost his grip on the rope and slid all the way to the ground, his palms red from rope burn.

"Very nonchalantly done, Aimé. Almost like you were not momentarily in love with Alexander." Johanna said mockingly.

Aimé took it as an opportunity to show her how to bind a hand wound with a triangular bandage.

Later he saw Alexander go into the orientation training room. Aimé looked around but no one was paying him any particular attention so without a second thought he slipped through the door after Alexander. It was one of the simulation rooms that they had a couple of at the training center. Just a black, empty box, with holographic projections it could be turned into basically anything. This particular one was used to project a sky on the ceiling and different environments and you had to figure out where north was.

Alexander hadn't started the simulation yet so the room was almost pitch black. He was standing in front of the control panel his face dimly illuminated. Aimé was hovering in the shadow near the door unsure what to do. Alexander pushed a button to confirm his selection of a scenario and the room lit up with silver moonlight.

They were standing in a field now, with wheat up to their waist under clear starry skies. Alexander was looking up and a sigh slipped past his lips, he let his hands run through the ears of wheat even though there was nothing to touch and his fingers went clean through the holograms. Aimé wondered for a second why Alexander had chosen such an easy simulation and why it was taking him so long with the north star right there, but then Aimé realized that this must be what Alexander's home looked like and that maybe he had come here not just for training.

Aimé suddenly felt like an intruder and didn't want to disrupt this peaceful intimate moment, so he turned around quietly and was about to open the door when he heard Alexander say, "Stay."

Aimé froze and looked at Alexander who was still staring at the stars. "You knew I was here the whole time, didn't you?" Aimé asked.

"Yes," Alexander said, walked over to the control panel and pressed a button. A computer voice announced that he had correctly entered the position of north.

"Up for something more difficult?" he asked and without waiting for an answer, made a selection on the control panel. They were now surrounded by trees and jungle sounds. It was day but impossible to see the sky with the thick dark canopy overhead.

"I've never been in a rain forest before." Aimé said amazed by the noise, not at all like the quiet woods at home.

"Orientation is similar to any kind of woods." Alexander said and pointed at the trunk of a tree. "The greener side with more new branches will be facing east."

Alexander logged the direction he thought was north into the control panel but was met with the computer voice saying, "Incorrect answer. Try again."

Alexander's face was illuminated by the green light travelling through the leaves but Aimé could swear he saw him blush. "I - I must have pressed a wrong button," he said clearly flustered and turned back to the panel.

"Incorrect answer. Try again." it said.

"I think this method is relatively inaccurate." Aimé said carefully.

"No, I'm sure-"

"Let me." Aimé took a machete of the weapon display on one wall. He sliced through one of the smaller tree trunks. The hologram gave way easily, the top half of the tree fell down leaving a tree stump. Aimé leaned down to look at the tree's annual rings. He logged north in the direction the rings were closer together.

"Incorrect answer. Try again," the computer announced.

"Well," Aimé said, "so much for that. If this were the games we'd be lost."

"Nonsense," Alexander looked around the forest, then something caught his eye, "Ha!" He walked past some trees and crouched down. Aimé followed and saw that he'd found a small creek.

"Now, I believe if this stream is running from east to west, the side with more plants growing will face north," Alexander said triumphantly before he realized the flaw in that and his face fell.

"Ah. Hm. And that helps us how?" Aimé said only marginally trying to not sound too sarcastic.

Alexander sat back on his heels and looked up at Aimé defiantly, "I think this way is north." He pointed in a direction. Aimé turned the way Alexander was indicating. It looked like any other and didn't even match up with the plants on the riverside.

"Alexander, have you ever been in a rain forest?"

"I've read about it," Alexander said but he sounded unsure and slightly embarrassed.

They spend about another half hour in the forest simulation, turning over rocks and contemplating the angle of plant stems but north didn't want to be found. Eventually Aimé went back to the control panel. With a few buttons he made the leaves on the trees disappear. Sun shone down on them now, it was standing low near the horizon about to set. Aimé logged north into the system and it said, "Correct answer."

The forest disappeared around them and they were back in the dark black box.

"You gotta work on your sense of direction." Aimé said jokingly into the blackness. The quick change in lighting had left him temporarily blind.

"I'm usually - I'm good at this." Alexander's voice came back.

"Don't worry I won't tell the others that all it takes to throw you off is some unfamiliar territory." Aimé was slightly unsettles that he couldn't see Alexander and took a few steps forward.

"I'm not..." Alexander started but drifted off suddenly. In the dark he must have also walked in Aimé's direction and now they were standing much closer than Aimé would have liked, he could hear Alexander breathe and the whisper of his clothes and possibly his own heart pound but that had to be his imagination.

"I'm -" Alexander said after a moment of quiet at the same time Aimé said, "Do you-" and they both broke off again.

Aimé could feel Alexander breathe, the air tickled his lips and his brain unsolicitedly supplied him with the information that exhaled air still had about 16 percent oxygen and that Alexander and him could breathe in each others' air for quite some time before they would lose consciousness. His eyes started to get used to the darkness now and he could make out the silhouette of Alexander's wavy hair, the little specks of light caught in his stormy eyes. Aimé could feel his body slowly leaning towards Alexander, like a strange gravity was acting on him.

"Boy, we're lucky there are no windows in this room otherwise this sure would be in the tabloids tomorrow." he mumbled, trying to joke away the tension. Immediately he wished he hadn't said anything because Alexander flinched at his words and took a step back.

"I have to uhm... do uhm... ", Alexander cleared his throat, "I have to go. We have a team meeting at four."

Aimé raised an eyebrow and pointedly looked down at Alexander's wrist. He wasn't wearing a watch and there was no way he could tell the time in this black box of a room. Alexander blushed furiously but held Aimé's stare. If he really was a master of manipulation like his brother he hid it well, Aimé thought.

"I will see you ... around," Alexander said and was in a hurry to leave the room.

Aimé at least had enough sense to wait for a while before he also left. He didn't need people wondering what he and Alexander had been doing in the simulation room together. When he opened the door he almost hit little Suzie Emmer in the face with it.

"Oh god, sorry!"

"Is Alexander in there?" she asked.

Aimé shook his head. She craned her neck to get a look at the room behind him.

Aimé closed the door, "He was in there before me."

Suzie narrowed her eyes, "If you see him could you remind him that we have a meeting at four?"

Aimé was so surprised he could only nod. Suzie eyed him suspiciously before she walked away leaving him trying to convince his racing heart a boy he only just met was nothing to get excited over. 

Aimé woke up in the middle of the night. The alarm clock said 00:17. Usually he was a tight sleeper, thank god, but now he found himself wide awake. He sighed and got up to go to the bathroom.

In the hallway on his way back he noticed that there was a sliver of light falling onto the floor from the gap in the door to Johanna's room. Aimé stopped and he could now hear the faintest sound of sobbing coming from the room. He hesitated for a moment but then knocked carefully. The sounds stopped immediately and after a few seconds Johanna opened the door, wrapped in a fluffy nightgown. Her eyes were red but she looked at him defiantly, daring him to mention it.

"I'm sorry. I saw your light was one and thought you might still be up."

Johanna nodded tiredly and stepped out of the way to let him in.

They both sat down on her bed, Johanna leaned against Aimé's shoulder, a soft silence settling between them. Aimé noticed a small framed photograph on her nightstand. It was of her husband Carl sitting at a desk over papers and books. He was looking at the photographer, slight annoyance on his face as if he'd been interrupted.

Johanna laughed, her voice sounded horse. "It was impossible to persuade him to have his photo taken. He's like a grumpy old man," she said fondly.

"What does he do? He's a merchant?" Aimé asked pointing at the papers in the picture, full of numbers and scribbles.

"Well, his father was only a miner too, and he grew up in the seam, went to school with me," she explained with a sober voice, almost detached, "He was a mathematically gifted child, could do amazing things with numbers and one day someone from the capitol came and took him with them and I didn't see him for years. He never even was there for the reaping which I didn't think someone could get around but I guess he was too valuable to the capitol. Anyway when he came back years later he was all grown up and asked me to marry him now that he had all that capitol money. I didn't care for the money and I still had one more reaping to get through so I told him no."

Johanna's voice broke and it took her a moment before she could continue, "He was insistent but in his gentle way and he told me we would be fine, the mathematical odds were in our favor." She paused again and smiled bitterly, "My name was in the ball twenty seven times, big family to feed, tesserea are tempting, you know the drill. He reckoned it all up for me to soothe my nerves, how many girls with how many names in the reaping ball, the bare possibility it would be me. At the time I believed him. At the time I didn't know ..." She looked around nervously and then got up to get something from her desk, while she continued talking, "We got married. We were happy for a while, as happy as you can be with this thing looming over you, but I thought it would be over soon. Except then it wasn't." She came back with pen and paper, scribbled something down and handed the slip of paper to Aimé.

 _I'm here because Carl didn't play along with the capitol_ , Aimé read.

He looked up at her wide eyed, "You mean-?"

Johanna nodded and held a finger to her lips. Someone was listening. She wrote, _I'm not meant to get out of the games alive_.

People were always whispering about how the reaping was rigged, the random selection of tributes not random at all, but Aimé had never really thought about it. There was nothing Aimé could say to make this any less horrible so he just nodded and put an arm around her.

"I think Humboldt, too." she said.

"Shit." Aimé wondered how many of the twenty-four of them were here because the capitol had a bone to pick with them or a loved one. He wondered about little Ilja Ribwort too.

"You should try to get some sleep," he said gently.

Johanna nodded.   

"You'll be okay? If you have trouble sleeping there are fun little pills in your bathroom cabinet. Want me to get you some?"

"It's fine, thank you, Aimé.", she said and kissed his cheek.

As Aimé left her room he pushed away the thought of Johanna in the arena to the back of his head. He didn't go to his room right away. Sleep seemed even less tempting now, so he rode the elevator all the way down to the basement levels and back up again, soothed by the motion, and then walked around the seemingly endless corridors. Just when he began to wonder whether he would be able to find his way back to his room, the sound of steps behind him made him turn around. It was a peacekeeper probably on a patrol route.

"Can I help you with something, Mr Bonpland?" he said, his voice not as hostile as Aimé was used from the peacekeepers in twelve.

"I was just taking a walk."

"These are the rooms of the district eleven tributes. You wouldn't want to get caught sneaking around here." it was more a joke than a threat, "If you feel like a walk why don't you go up on the roof? There is a garden there, I'm sure you'll like it," the peacekeeper winked at Aimé who just stared back at him confused.

"Just take the elevator to the very top and then go up the small winding staircase."

"Okay..." Aimé said slowly.

The peacekeeper nodded and Aimé walked back to the elevator. He was curious now so he did go up, and when he opened the door to the roof top he was glad he did as a soft summer wind ruffled his hair and the starry sky overhead looked just like the sky at home. All along the edge of the roof ran dense mesh wire, as if saying, yes we want you to die but when you die it'll be on our terms in front of millions of viewers not alone smashing your head on asphalt.

Aimé immediately noticed the thick sweet smell coming over from the bit of green on the other side of the roof. The garden was surrounded by pergolas covered in roses. Once Aimé walked through a small archway there were more flowerbeds, a bench, a fountain, a blonde boy kneeling next to bright purple plants. Aimé made a sound of surprise and the blonde boy staggered to his feet.

Aimé frowned, "Alexander?"

Alexander brushed some dirt off his knees. "Yes, quite. What are you doing here?"

"Going for a midnight walk."

"Likewise," Alexander said brusquely.

 Aimé looked at the plant in front of him, that reminded vaguely of forget-me-nots but with purple stems and bioluminescent flowers that glowed faintly in the dark.

"It's amazing what they can do these days splicing together whatever characters they want," Alexander said, voice much softer now, looking at the tiny flowers fondly.

Aimé frowned "They're mutts." he said dismissively. 

Alexander tilted his head, "Yes, but so are you and me, otherwise we would still be a cluster of brainless cells in the ocean. And so is the wheat we eat, because the wild grass it stems from has small ears and hard husks so we made it easier to harvest and eat. And aren't these beautiful?" He pointed at the flowers.

"I guess." Aimé shrugged.

"They really are forget-me-nots. Well technically. My best guess is with genes of bioluminescent algae. In case you were wondering."

"You know I was." Aimé smirked. It was too easy to make Alexander blush and Aimé found he was enjoying making him blush decidedly too much.

"So, tomorrow are private training sessions. What are you gonna do?" Aimé asked casually. He assumed Alexander was facing the same problem he was: extensive knowledge of plants might be of some use in the arena, but it didn't make for very good presentation.

"I'm not supposed to tell."

"I'm not gonna take advantage of it," Aimé said lightly but Alexander kept his lips pressed together which was probably the smart thing to do.

"I still mean it thought," Alexander said after a pause, "I'll still have you as my ally."

"Hmhm, for an effective alliance wouldn't you want someone with brawn to, you know, balance out your brain ... rather than, uh, more brain." Aimé said half jokingly, but it was what he'd been thinking about. Moe and Copper had urged him to rather ally with someone who could actually fight but was ideally not the brightest bulb.

"That's what my mentor has advised me to do." Alexander rolled his eyes, "These brutes may be killing machines but they often lack the survival skills - the survival instincts. If it comes down to it -"

"If?" Aimé raised an eyebrow, "This is a gambling game with your life. Even if the arena is build so you can avoid confrontation the game makers won't play into your hands."

Alexander's expression turned almost sulky, "I just don't believe brawn accomplishes anything." 

Have we been watching the same games?, Aimé thought. Sure plenty kills got made by outsmarting other tributes but it only got you this far. Victors of recent years were all careers, all ripped, except ...   

"That's what your brother thinks too, huh?", Aimé said and even before he finished the sentence he could see the muscles in Alexander's jaw tighten. 

"Well, without my dear brother I wouldn't be here, would I?" he said and Aimé suddenly remembered that Johanna had mentioned that Alexander wasn't here by coincidence either.

"Shit." The word slipped past Aimé's lips and he immediately clasped a hand over his mouth. 

"They keep asking what the chances are of two brothers being reaped. They are a hundred percent if your brother wins in a way that doesn't fit the capitol and then goes into politics but doesn't play along well with President Snow. And suddenly you find your name is on every paper slip in the reaping ball." Alexander sat down on the park bench and pressed the bridge of his nose between thumb and index finger.

Aimé thought about his own brother, who had been dead for years, now buried in the mines forever. He pushed away the thought and sat down next to Alexander.

"What's life like in nine?"

"Dull mostly."

"Oh. Do you work in the fields?"

"No, my father was head peacekeeper of nine. But growing up in nine does mean you inevitably grow up in the fields. They are alive and ever growing and we feel safe between the culms of the wheat. I heard people from four say they feel the same about the sea. I guess it'll be the same for you and the mines." 

Aimé laughed, "Are you kidding? Everyone in twelve hates the mines. People die down there like flies."

"Oh." Alexander looked down at his lap uncomfortable.

Aimé leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially, "So is it true that there is porridge in your veins instead of blood like they say?"

The corner of Alexander's mouth twitched in amusement, "Is that what they say?"

"Hm. Which begs the question how are you alive. Blood may be thicker than water, but boy, porridge." He reached out and traced the faint purple blue vein visible on Alexander's wrist with his finger. There was a small sound from Alexander's surprised intake of breath. He looked at Aimé, eyes wide, pupils blown, guard down.

Aimé smirked, "Try not to fall in love with the dead boy."

"You're not dead yet. For all we know there might be a victor from twelve this year," Alexander said. On his face Aimé could see the exact moment when he realized that the 'dead' part was not the one he should have objected to. 

Alexander pulled his hand away, "I mean-"

"Shit, Alex, that's like ... suboptimal in more ways than one."

Alexander was beet red now, "This is ridiculous. I didn't say-"

"On the other hand," Aimé kept on talking, "everybody already thinks we're knee deep in an affair anyway. We should give them their money's worth." Aimé made an exaggerated kissing face at Alexander, who inched away from him.

Aimé laughed, "No? Suit yourself." He stood up, "Well, it was nice talking to you, but the sun's coming up and I think maybe I can sneak in a couple minutes of sleep before I have to be out and about again."

 

In the end he did get almost another hour of sleep before Moe came into his room, black boots clicking on the floor boards and unceremoniously said, "Get up." before she disappeared again.

They went down to the room next to the training room, where they waited with the other tributes for the private session. He was annoyed that they had to come here so early when the tributes from twelve were called last. He saw Alexander sitting in the back. He looked nervous but tried not to show it. Suzie on the other hand was sitting next to him positively bored.

Aimé turned to Johanna next to him, "You okay?" They hadn't had a chance to talk since last night.

Johanna nodded. There were faint shadows under her eyes but she held her head high. She was going to show some knife skills today. They had found out a few days earlier that she was quite good with blades as long as they weren't bigger than kitchen knives. She had some experience there from skinning animals at home and such, but also because like every young woman growing up in the Seam if she had to walk home in the dark she would do so with a kitchen knife in her hand.

The other tributes got called into the training room one by one and the room emptied slowly. When Alexander was called, he looked at Aimé in walking past.

"Good luck," Aimé said reflexively. Alexander stared at him for a second then left through the door to the training room.

"What do you think he'll do?" Aimé asked.

Johanna looked at him in surprise, "You don't know?"

Aimé held his hands up defensively. "Look, just because we're totally secretly boning, I don't know everything about him." The girl from eleven sitting within earshot stared at him.

Johanna rolled her eyes, "He's from nine, it'll be sickle and scythe. I've seen him train."

"He told me he never worked on a field."

"I didn't say he was good."

 

After a while her name got called and Aimé hugged her tightly before she left him the last tribute waiting. 

Johanna seemed to be taking her time and Aimé just started to wonder what she was doing so long, a door at the other side of the room opened and Alexander came in. Aimé was about to ask him what es was doing back here when he saw a man enter after him.

"I told you I'm doing everything I can." he said. Even though he was not as well toned anymore and the years had not been kind to his face, Aimé clearly recognized him as Wilhelm Humboldt, past victor of the games. He had the same wheat yellow hair as his brother. He was wearing capitol clothes.

"I'm talking to a lot of people all day but there's nothing I can do. No one dares to go against any of Snow's decisions. But I can get you sponsors. I talked to your mentors and-" His eyes fell on Aimé and he interrupted himself, "Ah. Mr Bonpland. Still waiting for your private session? I do wish you the best of luck." he said in a friendly tone. He didn't look like a killer per se, Aimé thought, but there was a glint in his eyes, a sharpness.

In that moment the speaker came to life, "Aimé Bonpland. District Twelve."

"That's my cue.", Aimé said and stood up.

He looked over to Alexander but he was avoiding Aimé's eyes.

 

The whole private session felt very surreal to Aimé. They had decided on him doing some target practice with a crossbow which he was half decent at. He managed to hit most of the dummies and moving targets, even though he was sure the spectators in the viewing room weren't really paying attention and he was glad to leave the room. 

He met with Johanna, Moe and Copper in the evening to watch the training score announcement on television. Caesar and Claudius were excited like children on Christmas as they shared the scores with the audience. There were little surprises - high scores for the careers, low ones for the young kids from poorer district. Aimé watched halfheartedly slumped back on the coach but when district nine came up he sat up straighter.

"Suzie Emmer from District nine." Caesar said, "Five points."

"Not bad for a tiny thing like her." Claudius chimed in.

"Alexander Humboldt from District nine. Three points. Now, to remind you, Wilhelm himself only got four points and look how that turned out."

"I just hope Alexander is aware that that shtick won't work for him a second time. He might have just made himself an easy target."

"We'll see." Caesar went on to tell the scores of eleven.

Johanna held her breath as her picture appeared on the screen behind the tv hosts.

"Johanna Gauß from district twelve. Seven points."

Moe and Copper patted her on the back. Johanna looked slightly relieved but kept her eyes fixed on the screen to see Aimé's score.

"Aimé Bonpland from district twelve. Five points. Looks like things aren't going so well for our volunteer from twelve. Let's hope he has a trick up his sleeve."

Johanna shot Aimé a worried glance.

"It's okay. All that matters is that you have a great score." He tried a reassuring smile but he wasn't sure it turned out the way he intended.

"Yes, don't worry," Copper said, "It's important that you concentrate on the interviews tomorrow now. Get some sleep. You have your clothes fitting in the morning."

Aimé made a retching sound to make Johanna laugh but all he got was a weak smile. Leading up to the beginning of the games Johanna had gotten progressively more quiet. Aimé hoped that she was just conserving her energy for the games. 

"Would you like some company?", he asked as she was about to go to her room.

She looked at him in a way he couldn't quite interpret, "I would like to be alone now. Thank you."

Aimé wondered whether she was already mentally preparing for the possibility that she might have to kill him if it came down to it.

 


	3. Part One - III

 

"What the he - heck, Safran?" Aimé could only just catch himself from cursing when he saw his interview outfit on the mannequin, "I can't wear this."

Moe snickered, "Actually you have to. We can't magically conjure up a new outfit in time."

Aimé sighed as Safran's assistants took the clothes off the mannequin and started dressing him. The clothes in itself weren't that bad. A bit old fashioned looking maybe, riding boots, dark sleek slacks, a white shirt with bishop sleeves, a vest. The vest though was amber and embroidered on it in golden thread were intricate patterns that had an uncanny resemblance to wheat.

Aimé looked down on himself miserably, "Who authorized this?"

"I was thinking about how you were an apothecary in twelve" Safran said defensively, "and so I looked up what apothecaries wore before modern healthcare and then I got a bit carried away but I think it turned out quite fitting."

"But why the wheat?" Aimé asked bewildered.

Safran threw his hands up, "Well, you didn't give me much to go on, did you?"

Aimé groaned in annoyance, "Why am I constantly being reduced to my relationship with Alexander Humboldt?"

"It's how the capitol sees you." They all turned as Johanna stepped into the room. She too was now wearing her interview outfit and had better luck with it than Aimé. 

She was wearing the white dress they had talked about, not what Aimé would call simple but he suspected it was by capital standards. With the emperor silhouette and her hair in milk maid braids she looked young and positively innocent.

Copper clutched a hand to his heart, "Oh darling! You look like an angel."

Moe frowned and cocked her head skeptically, "It that what we were going for?"

"Well, it's what you're getting." Safran said, clearly very cross that he was being critiqued on both his outfit designs.

"Okay, okay.", Moe put an appeasing hand on Safran's back who huffed but kept quiet, "Johanna, Aimé, I want you done with makeup in twenty minutes and then we'll go over to the studio."

"So early? The interviews are not on till the afternoon." Aimé complained

"They gotta wire you up and do checks, don't you worry your pretty head about that. Now shush. Makeup."

 

After make up and sound checks were done it meant waiting in the green room. Aimé didn't envy the tributes with costumes that looked significantly more uncomfortable than his. The girl from four was forced to sit very straight and had trouble breathing because of her rigid corset. Almost automatically Aimé's eyes also found Alexander, dressed in a blue double breasted jacket reminiscent of a military officer's. 

Eventually the tributes from one were called up, but Aimé knew it could take another hour till it was his turn.

He leaned over to Johanna who was brooding quietly and said in a low voice, "Fuck, marry, kill. The boy from three, girl from five, girl from six."

"Oh my god, Aimé!" she looked at him scandalized.

"Just a game to pass the time. Come on, entertain me."

"You know, I'll kill them all."

Aimé shrugged, "Your choice. As for me I'd fuck them all."

"Aimé!" Johanna said again, but she was smiling now.

 

On a small screen in the corner they could see the interviews being broadcast. Aimé was amazed how large the audience was and felt a pang of stage fright. As it was Alexander's turn he walked over to the screen to listen to the conversation.

Alexander was sitting in the chair opposite Caesar Flickerman ramrod straight.

"Mr Humboldt." Caesar smiled at him, "A pleasure to have you here. It seems like only yesterday I was sitting in the exact same spot talking to your brother. I believe he is well?"

"I believe so." Alexander gave him a tight lipped smile.

"He decided not to mentor this year due to prior obligations, but I'm sure he gave you one or the other tip?"

"He did."

Caesar leaned forward conspiratorially, "Will you share one with us?"

"Well for one he told me not to give away my game plan."

Caesar chuckled and the audience joined in, "Wise words." His expression turned serious again, "Yesterday we were very surprised by your low training score." He paused to give the audience a moment to hum in agreement, "Are you concerned about that?"

"Not at all. The training scores are a highly unreliable and in my opinion obsolete method. Has someone ever bothered to find out whether there is a correlation between training score and actual placement in the games?"

Caesar made an impressed face to the audience, "We have ourselves a scientist. I always hated math at school but something tells me you didn't"

"Well, I mostly appreciate math as an auxiliary science." Alexander said, oblivious that math was the last thing anyone in the audience was interested in.

"Fantastic. So, Alexander, say you win the hunger games, what would you do with all the fame and fortune?"

"I would love to see more of Panem. The woods in seven, the sea in four, the orchards in -"

"So you enjoy travelling?" Caesar interrupted Alexander's enthusiastic list. 

Alexander nodded, "Don't get me wrong, the capitol with its comforts is nice but there's so much out there."

Watching this Aimé cringed. The capitol really didn't want people wondering too much about what lay outside of Panem. 

Caesar seemed to think so too, so he smiled his charming smile and changed the topic. "Now, there is one last thing the audience is dying for me to ask." Immediately it got quiet in the studio, no one wanting to miss a word.

"You can probably already guess what I'm about to ask ... It is true that despite the odds you have gotten close to Aimé Bonpland from district twelve?" 

'gotten close' was a nice way to put it for the underage audience of the compulsory viewing, Aimé thought. 

"I'm familiar with the rumors of course and definitely not all of them are true." Alexander said slowly the words clearly rehearsed. 

"So that means some are true?" Caesar chimed in.

"True is that I got to know Aimé as much as one can in four days with a full schedule. An alliance is in talks. I'm - " he frowned almost to himself and when he resumed speaking Aimé could tell it was not part of the rehearsed speech, "I think under different circumstances we might have become friends."

The audience awed and Caesar nodded sympathetically.

"Our time is almost up. Maybe one last thing you would like to say to your brother if he was here now?"

Alexander turned to the camera, "Thank you. I wouldn't be here without you." which earned him another aww from the audience even though he hardly tried to hide the spite in his voice.

Caesar said goodbye and Alexander left the stage, just as in the green room Aimé and Johanna were asked to get ready for their interviews.

They were led back stage to wait for their cue. Suddenly a man came out of nowhere, hastily walking up to Johanna whose eyes grew wide. It took Aimé a moment to recognize him as Carl as he looked even worse than he had at the reaping with a scruffy five o'clock shadow and deep circles under his bloodshot eyes.

He immediately started talking in a fast hushed voice, "There's not enough time for me to say all the things I wanna say to you. But please know that I am so so sorry." 

"Carl." Johanna said, voice trembling. "I don't blame you."

Carl held Johanna's head between his hands and brushed an ink stained thumb over her cheek, "Promise me you'll fight."

Johanna nodded absentmindedly, a slight frown on her face, "I will, I will."

Carl noticed Aimé then who was awkwardly standing next to them. 

"You! If you lay a hand on her, I swear - "

Aimé took a step back in surprise, but all it took for Carl to quiet was a stern look from Johanna.

"Aimé is alright, don't worry. What are you even doing here? I thought you were in twelve for good?"

Carl looked around nervously, "Snow brought me here to work on something with his military scientists but really I think he wants to make sure I watch the games."

Johanna nodded and rested her forehead against Carl's. They held onto each other for a few moments before a stern voice made them jump apart.

"Mr Gauß." A peacekeeper put his hand on Carl's shoulder, "Let me show you to your seat. We don't want you to get lost." He looked up and down Johanna with piercing eyes.

Carl shook the hand off, "I think I'll be able to find my seat, thank you," he said harshly.

He looked back at Johanna, parting his lips as if to say something, then turned around and walked out the room.

Just as he disappeared a stage hand came up to Aimé and Johanna, "Twelve?"

They nodded.

The stage hand looked at their clipboard, "Mrs Gauß, you're up. Mr Bonpland, get ready."

Aimé gently pushed a strand of hair behind Johanna's ear and gave her a nod he hoped was reassuring before she walked up the way to the stage.

As he watched on the small monitor backstage how she greeted Caesar he decided to worry about her less. Despite everything she seemed collected and in control, seemed to be able to shake off her own worries and doubts.

Caesar liked her too, their conversation was easy and flowing. She talked about her sisters in twelve, her wedding, smiled humbly at Caesar's mention of her considerable training score and even as the camera panned over to show Carl sitting in the audience, her facial expression didn't slip and she looked poised as ever.

"Isn't having a mathematician for a husband quite the challenge. I can only imagine..." Caesar said with playful horror on his face and the audience laughed.

"A challenge maybe. Yes, certainly." she smiled almost to herself and then looked up into the audience to where Carl was sitting as she continued, "But boy, is it ever worth it."  

 "Thank you, dear, I wish you the very best." Caesar said goodbye to her and Aimé had almost forgotten it was his turn next when a stage hand gestured him towards the stage entrance. Johanna squeezed his hand in walking past before he stepped onto the stage, where he was momentarily overwhelmed by the bright lights and the volume of the applause before Caesar put a hand on his arm and gently steered him into a chair.

"Aimé Bonpland. Lovely to have you here. Last, but not least, as they say." he smiled encouragingly, "Enjoying your time in the capitol?"

"Yes, very much so. Two words: underfloor heating. Best invention since sliced bread. I don't think I ever had this warm feet in my life. Also I've seen shirts with my face on it, which is very flattering but also takes some getting used to." Aimé heard himself say automatically. Caesar laughed together with the audience.

"You've been keeping us all on the edge of our chairs ever since the reaping, young man. I don't think any of us remember the last time we had a volunteer from twelve."

Aimé shrugged, all rehearsed modesty, "In twelve I grow herbs to make people better, I work with the healers. It's all about minimizing suffering. Volunteering - it means I can take this pain off of someone else and their loved ones." He knew it was nonsensical talk but out of the corner of his eye he could see several people in the audience take out handkerchiefs and dab at their eyes.    

Caesar nodded slowly, sympathetically, "I see. But surely there must be people in twelve who miss you? Loved ones?"

Aimé shrugged. "I don't have family really."

"I'd be surprised if a handsome young fellow like you doesn't have a girl at home - or two?" Caesar winked at him and Aimé forced himself to grin despite the vast emptiness welling up in his chest.

"Three, four ... but none that springs to mind. I think I'm just not the marrying kind."

"Time will tell. Aimé, why don't you tell us a bit about how your training is going? Your training score is solid but I think we were all hoping for one a bit higher."

"Well, I may not have been trained since birth like the tributes from one or two, but life in twelve makes us all survivalists and I do have a few tricks up my sleeve." Aimé said lightly, the rehearsed answer soothing his nerves.

"If you could have a say in the matter, what would the arena this year look like? Every year the game makers outdo themselves with these amazing territories and with some the survival aspect is definitely more pronounced. What are you hoping for?"

"My first instinct is not to tell you because whatever I say I'd like, knowing the game makers they would pick the exact opposite. But since the games start tomorrow I think I'm safe from that ... let's say my worst case scenario would be desert wasteland. Anything with vegetation I can handle. Animals ..." he made a vague hand gesture, "Animals don't like me. But luckily I don't have to be friends with them. Whatever happens I'm up for it, even if I should find myself in a desert full of animals tomorrow." Aimé paused for a few chuckles from the audience, "I was actually talking about this to Alexander, how dangerous it is to just hope it's not gonna be a desert because then you're ..." Aimé drifted off as he noted with irritation that almost everyone in the audience had started whispering.

He looked over to Caesar who just smiled like he hadn't noticed, "I think a desert would challenge most tributes, especially in the long run," he bridged the silence left by Aimé, "Earlier Mr Humboldt hinted to an alliance. Have you considered allies yet?"

Aimé pulled his attention away from the chatter of the audience and answered, now hyper aware of his wording, "Of course. To me having allies in the games is not to be underestimated. With the career tributes having pretty much perfected their system of alliances it is even more important to find someone to have your back against them. In the past games the tributes from lower districts have tried to get by mostly by themselves which I think is a crucial mistake. Then again I know it is hard to find someone to trust enough."

Caesar leaned forward slightly, "Do you trust Mr Humboldt enough?" he asked innocently. The whispers in the audience died down again.

"I don't think I should tell you about my alliances, it's very confidential, top secret." Aimé tried to laugh lightly but it came out strained. He paused for a moment then continued in a more sober voice, "Actually, I'm not sure I trust him. I don't think you really can trust anyone in the arena. I'm sure everyone here is a perfectly good kid but they'd all carve my head in with a rock in my sleep if they got the chance. 'Not personal' is what they call it I guess. In the end we'll have to see but frankly I don't see an alliance with Alexander happening and I don't know why everyone seems to set on it." Aimé stopped himself there, fearing he said too much already.

"We'll have to see indeed. I wish you the best of luck for tomorrow - an arena free of desert and animals and that also concludes our interviews for today. I wish the loveliest afternoon to our audience. Make sure to tune in again tomorrow when Claudius Templesmith joins me for the pre-game show."

After a brief applause the stage lights turned off and it got dark around them.

Caesar stood up with a sigh. His peppy stage presence falling off of him, he turned to Aimé, "You can go back to your mentors now, kid, I'm sure they have one or the other bone to pick with you. Just one piece of advice because I'm feeling generous: that heart on your sleeve is gonna ruin you. You think you're being discreet and have high ground under your feet but I can see right through you."

Aimé just stared at him too perplexed to retort until someone ushered him off the stage.

 

Fifteen minutes later he was looking into the faces of Moe and Copper, Moe's unbent but with a hint of amusement, Copper's on the edge of panic. 

"You are going to make me age prematurely." he said shaking his head, "Why can't you just say the nice things we rehearsed for once, that would make my job so much easier."

"Don't worry, chances are tomorrow by this time I'll be dead." Aimé said, voice hollow.

"Oh, spare us your self pity." Moe exchanged a look with Johanna who was standing nearby, "And don't be an ass about alliances. Johanna'll have you and she talked to the girl from district seven who is reasonably trustworthy. Aimé, I swear to god if you don't at least make it till day three, I will be so angry at you you'll feel it in the afterlife. And don't think it's because I like you - if I get you far enough I'll get promoted to a less depressing district next year."

"Well, in that case I'll do my best.", Aimé snapped.

"Don't you sass me, young man." Mow said, undeniable fondness in her voice, "You better get some rest now because I want you fresh and ready to get me that promotion in the morning."

Aimé put a hand to his forehead in a mock salute, "Yes, ma'am."

 

He went to his room and, wrecked with tension, didn't know what to do with his sudden free time. On top of it he was feeling a dull headache and a burning in his throat when he swallowed like the beginning of a cold.

As a logical conclusion he downed some liquor that tasted pungently of anise and pills and fell into a coma for a few hours. 

When he woke up he had a proper sore throat and no concept of what time it was. For a second he thought about how nice it would be if he had simply missed the start of the games by oversleeping. 

A glance on his alarm clock told him it was just past seven. He entertained the thought of paying Johanna a visit but on the off chance she was sleeping he didn't want to disturb her. He remembered that there was a pool in the recreational area a few floors down and even though he had learned by now that trying to wash away unwanted thoughts and feelings with water didn't actually work - it just made your body cleaner, unfortunately not your mind - he took the elevator down. Ten minutes later he was going the elevator back up after having walked in on the tributes from seven very naked and frantically making out in the pool. Aimé couldn't find it in him to be mad at them when with possibly one more day to life he would take any distraction he could get.

Eventually he went to the rooftop because it was the only other place he could think off. As an afterthought he brought a bottle of the anise liquor, just in case he told himself, not because he actually wanted to get drunk. He lay down on his back, staring upwards until he felt like he was falling into the black abyss of the starless sky. He did not even notice that he wasn't alone on the roof until the sound of glass shattering in the distance made him jump. He looked over to the edge of the rooftop where Alexander of all people was standing. Aimé turned to where he had put his bottle of liquor earlier but the spot was empty now, confirming his suspicion that the bottle was now shattered at the foot of the building.

"You're gonna thank me in the morning." Alexander said as he walked over to Aimé.

"Am I?" Aimé asked, irritated by his sore throat, the loss of his liquor, the fact that the roses around them were in full bloom despite it being nighttime and most of all Alexander who was still wearing his interview clothes all neat and rigid.

"Did you mean it?" Alexander was eyeing him carefully, half circling him now like a wounded animal, "What you said at the interview, that you don't care for allying with me. Did you mean it?" The expression on his face was so open and honest it made Aimé's heart clench.

"What I said at the interview -" he started slowly, apparently too slow for Alexander who cut him off, "Why don't you trust me?"

"It's not ..." Aimé flinched at his own choice of words, "Personal. Listen, I don't know what made you believe I owe you anything. Maybe it has something to do with everyone thinking we're in cahoots and you heard that one time to many and now you're just kind of going along with it. Just ... what are you trying to gain out of this?"

Alexander was suddenly very busy straightening the cuffs on his shirt, but he couldn't hide the blush creeping up his cheeks, "You are a valuable ally."

Aimé shrugged unimpressed, "I'm really not. Not more so than literally anyone else. Tell me why, come on." He took a step towards Alexander, watched him stumble backwards in an attempt to maintain personal space. A voice in the back of Aimé's head was telling him that this wasn't entirely fair towards Alexander, but right now he was feeling bold and defiant and would have picked a fight with anyone.

"Out of the lot I'd rather have you." Alexander said and when Aimé took another step forward he didn't budge.

The small voice in Aimé's head was courteously informing him that the actual gravitational pull between two people standing this close was neglectably small but he still felt like falling. He was startled by the smell of anise as Alexander breathed out.

"You drank some of my liquor." he said incredulously, a soft laughter bubbling past his lips. 

Alexander opened his mouth maybe to object but then Aimé was crashing into him with all the force gravity could not be held accountable for so that Alexander staggered backwards into one of the pillars of the pergola, the air knocked out of him. Aimé was holding onto the lapels of Alexander's jacket pressing their lips together vehemently. Alexander was unresponsive for a moment long enough to make Aimé back off, an apology on the tip of his tongue, when he felt a small but decisive tug where Alexander had clasped his hands into the fabric of Aimé's shirt. Aimé leaned in again slowly and when their lips met Alexander made a small helpless sound and jerked Aimé close against him by his shirt.   

Aimé felt himself come undone and right then he wasn't even entirely sure whether it was just pent up frustration and recklessness or whether something in the glint of Alexander's eyes could be held responsible, but there was an urgency in the way Aimé ran his fingers through Alexander's hair, finding a strange satisfaction in messing up his neat hair style, in the way Alexander was still holding onto him like a drowning man so tightly he could feel Alexander's heartbeat thumping where their chests were pressed together. 

Aimé's thoughts were racing around how he was kissing a dead boy and how mad he was for enjoying it so he buried his face in the crook of Alexander's neck and concentrated instead on the stupid smell of anise and the tremble in Alexander's breath when Aimé pressed his thigh between Alexander's legs. He felt Alexander's hand trail down from his shoulder over his arm where he held two fingers to Aimé's wrist with feather light touch and it took Aimé a moment to realize Alexander was feeling his pulse.

He smirked and lifted his head to look at Alexander, "I'm not dead yet, don't you worry."

"I'm not worrying, but I wanna know how you feel about this."

Aimé frowned, "What?"

"This." Alexander said softly and kissed Aimé hard enough to bruise and Aimé could feel Alexander smile against his lips in delight as his pulse sped up. 

As he was stumbling, struggling to maintain his balance, Aimé considered the logistics of doing this in a rooftop garden, then decided not to overcomplicate things and pulled Alexander down on top of him onto the ground between flowers and dirt.

Alexander rested his forehead against Aimé's, his pupils wide with wonder and want.

"Did you ever stop and think for a second about what you've done? Is it as easy to go through with it as it was to volunteer?" he asked, voice hoarse. 

The question caught Aimé off guard. Especially now with his blood pumping everywhere but his brain it took him a minute to frame an answer, "I think the beauty of it is that once I had volunteered there were no more choices to make, it's out of my hands now." He ran his fingers along Alexander's collarbone, "You have no idea how life in twelve wears you down. It's decisions every minute of the day. Do you give your last bit of opium to the dying child next door you know you can't save or do you take it yourself to block out the screaming? I was a drunk and I couldn't watch myself turn into my father."

Alexander nodded slowly and began pushing himself off of Aimé, who grabbed him by the arm, "You knew you wouldn't like the answer, why did you ask?" 

Alexander shrugged Aimé's hand off, "I thought you had more respect for life." He stood up and brushed the dirt off his slacks.

Alexander looked up at him still lying on the ground, "Alexander..."

"What?" Alexander said sharply, impatiently.

"Nothing." Aimé watched him walk away and leave the rooftop. 

 

After ten minutes he decided there was no use in lying around any longer and went back to his room.

On his way to the shower he caught his reflection in the bathroom mirror, his hair mussed, his lips red and raw from kissing and he felt warmth pool in his stomach again at the thought of Alexander's hands on him. He was holding onto the thought in the shower when he let his hand trail down his stomach and when he came with his forehead rested against the cold shower tiles, gasping for air.

He had just put on his bath robe when he heard a knock on the door. There were only about four people who would knock on his door at this time and still he was startled when he opened and found Alexander standing there. Aimé's first instinct was to kiss him, which was worrisome in itself, instead he stepped aside to let Alexander in but he shook his head.

"I just wanted to apologize."

Aimé almost sighed in relief, "It's okay, don't worry. I understand you left, I shouldn't have burdened that on you, not in that moment."

Alexander's gaze dropped down to the floor, "Not for that, I - " he visibly had to force himself to look back up into Aimé's eyes, "Sorry, for taking advantage of you. Sorry, for following you up to the roof in the first place, I guess. I shouldn't have - when this is clearly - you are -" He broke off and cleared his throat, "Have a good night." He closed the door which was awkward since it opened inwards so he had to reach into the room past Aimé who was too tired and dumbstruck to stop him.

Aimé was left alone again feeling like he should deal with this at some point but since 'some point' would unlikely come into effect, he let himself fall into bed and drift off to sleep.

 

He woke up to an alarm he did not remember setting and a note on his nightstand that read:

_Good morning, sunshine. Didn't wanna wake you earlier than necessary._

_How are you feeling?_

_a) good_

_b) fucked up_

_c) good bc you fucked Humboldt last night ;)_

_Felt free to set your alarm to 8. Please come down for final prep._

_Moe_

Aimé tossed the note into the trash, threw some clothes on and walked into the living area to the now familiar sight of Johanna shoveling food into her mouth overseen by Moe and Copper, both drinking black coffee strong enough to kill a horse - their only common ground. Aimé nodded a general good morning, sat down and gratefully took the bowl of porridge Johanna handed to him.

"Just so we're on the same page," she said between bites, "The plan is to get away from the cornucopia as fast as possible, then regroup. Unless everything goes south right away, our allies are Nina from seven, Carlos from ten and Alexander." she said the last part quickly, avoiding eye contact with Aimé.

"I think that's off the table." he remarked quietly.

When he looked up from his porridge Johanna was eyeing him carefully. She had put her spoon down. "Aimé, he talked to me last night." 

"Oh, so in you he confides?" He tried not to sound too hurt.

Johanna shot him a warning glance, "He talked to me about alliances since he feels he's too involved with you to make a dispassionate decision. It was me who asked him to apologize to you. Do you think you can be an adult about this?"

"If he can." Aimé said. He turned to Moe, "What's our schedule?"

She checked her watch, "In about an hour they'll get you into your kit and then they'll fly you off to the arena. You know you can take a token?"

Johanna nodded and took the photograph of Carl out of her pocket. Aimé just shook his head, he did not own anything of much sentimental value.

They finished their food mostly in silence and Aimé felt himself reminded of their first meal on the train which now seemed an eternity away.

When it was time to go Copper hugged him awkwardly. Moe ruffled his hair, "Make me proud, son." She smiled at him sadly and if it had not been Moe, Aimé would have sworn he saw tears well up in her eyes.

He also said a formal goodbye to Johanna. She had asked for it, quietly explaining, "I want you to remember us how we are now, not from the arena." and he knew it meant 'I will kill you if that's what it takes but I need you to know it's not personal'.

They held each other for as long as they could bear to. 

"You are forgiven." he said and meant it, before they parted.

 

He had to strip down naked before putting on the clothes for the arena which did not give away much. Pants, a shirt, a jacket, all of a smooth material that Aimé suspected was rainproof.

The ride on the hovercraft to get to the arena felt unusually long to Aimé but then again he did not trust his sense of time.

He had never felt as alone as when he stepped onto the launchpad that took him up into the arena.


	4. Carl

 

"Sit down." The peacekeeper hit his baton into the back of Carl's knees making him topple backwards onto the couch.

"Don't fucking touch me," Carl snapped at him, knowing well they were empty words, "The games don't start for another half hour. Do you want me to sit here and stare at the wall?" 

The peacekeeper was with Carl almost twenty four hours a day, essentially functioning as his personal babysitter during his time in the capitol. He did not talk much and Carl did not even know his real name so he had started calling him Max in their one sided conversations. Most days Max was the only human being he saw. Some days he did not even leave his desk. Working was the only way he knew to distract himself from the image of Johanna haunting his every thought. Sometimes Snow himself dropped by, gently alluding to the things he could have his people do to Johanna if Carl did not cooperate.

Max turned on the television and and walked over to stand by the door. The screen flickered to life with Caesar and Claudius presenting the countdown to the games.

"I can't wait to see the arena. All I've been able to get out of the gamemakers is that it is one of the largest arenas yet."

"Well, I bet they're trying to prevent the debacle from last year when the games ended on day three because the arena was so small there was just nowhere to hide..."

Carl tuned out the sounds of the television by meticulously rattling off prime numbers, fixating his thoughts on his latest calculations, but when Caesar turned to the camera to gleefully wish everyone "happy hunger games" and they were showing the first pictures of the cornucopia and the tributes coming into view on their pedestals, he could not help but look for Johanna. When he saw her, wondrous Johanna, indescribable Johanna, it felt like a punch in the chest. The camera panned over the area to show they had put the cornucopia up on what looked like an ocean shore, close by dense forest reached out, a mountaintop in the distance. The sixty second countdown came to an end and Carl looked up at the ceiling, he could not bare to watch.

"Eyes on the television." came the peacekeeper's voice almost immediately.

"Do you have a wife, Max?" Carl asked as he watched Johanna sprint off into the forest.

The peacekeeper did not answer.

"Didn't think so." Carl stared at the screen where the careers were butchering a couple of kids and taking over the cornucopia.

He thought about the way Johanna smelled, her soft eyes and her unending patience with him he did not think he deserved. He thought about the small vial of poison too that lay securely in a locked desk drawer. He knew he would not use it. 

 


	5. Part Two - I

 

The muscles in Aimé's legs were burning as he ran towards the trees. The sand under his feet was giving way, slowing him down and making it a straining exercise to get away from the beach. He felt an arrow whir past him only inches away from his face. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Johanna run in the same direction and he tried to keep her in view so he would not loose her once they entered the forest.

The view from the pedestal had been a breathtaking one, the sea rolling soft waves onto the shore, the trees nearby taller than any Aimé had ever seen.

As he ran past the first few trees, it felt like hitting a wall of hot humid air. Immediately he could feel beads of sweat building up on his skin. Running was only marginally easier now that undergrowth had replaced sand but he did not dare stop so close to the shore. There were cannon shots, five, maybe six. Johanna came running closer to him as visual range was down to a few meters as they got closer to the heart of the forest. Their sprint slowed down to a jog and eventually Aimé stopped to brace himself against a tree in exhaustion.

Johanna gestured to him to hold his breath so she could listen to the sounds around them. There was someone running towards them and Johanna pulled Aimé behind a tree. She relaxed slightly when a boy with stocky build and black curly hair came into view.

"Carlos," she carefully approached him, her empty hands held up, "You made it."

"Barely," Carlos grimaced and pulled back his shirt to reveal a bruise the size of his hand just forming on his shoulder. Luckily there was no blood.

"Have you seen Nina?" she asked, just as a shrill whistle above their heads made them all look up.

A girl was sitting on a tree branch, grinning, "Speaking of the devil." She jumped to the ground next to Aimé where she stood taller than him by more than a head. An ax stuck in her belt with blood on the blade that had not yet dried and Aimé would be lying if he said he was not the tiniest bit intimidated by her. 

"Aimé, right? Nina Aspen, pleasure." She winked at him. Looking around at their group she said, "I think we're missing one."

Aimé felt a pang in his chest, "Has anyone seen Alexander?"

Carlos nodded, "He was running into the forest too."

"I'm here! Over here!" a voice shouted and they all turned around to watch Alexander struggle to get through a patch of dense underwood.

Nina rushed over to him, grabbed him and clasped a hand over his mouth. "Are you trying to get us all killed?" she hissed and dragged him back to the others, unimpressed by his struggles to get free.

"Good to have you here, Alexander," Johanna said, giving Nina a warning look until she dropped him.

Alexander looked worst for wear. His jacket was partly torn and there were abrasions down the left side of his face and on the palms of his hands as if he had scraped them on sand, but he was triumphantly holding up a backpack.

"God, Alexander." Aimé was by his side in two strides. He took the backpack from Alexander's hands and tossed it aside carelessly to examine his wounds. 

"We need to bind this up," he looked around worriedly, considered to rip up a jacket but the material was worse than useless, when a small plain plant caught his eye.

Him and Alexander looked at each other. "Ribwort," they said almost at the same time.

Aimé picked the plant's leaves and for a moment was holding them in his hand hesitantly.

"Don't tell me you're considering chewing them up for me." Alexander took the leaves from him and put them in his mouth, chewing before he clumsily put the mush on his palms.

"Can you use this?" Carlos had opened the backpack and was holding up a bedroll. "The rest is survival stuff like matches and ropes, carabiners, there's a flashlight..."

They managed to cut strips of fabric from the bedroll that Aimé wrapped around Alexander's hands, who was fidgeting, annoyed he could not do it himself and passive aggressively criticizing Aimé's technique.

Johanna was watching them impatiently, "We need to keep moving. Before nightfall I'd like to put a good bit of distance between us and the beach."

Nina crossed her arms, "Shouldn't we stay near the cornucopia, maybe try get more supplies and weapons?" 

"I don't want to run into the careers who by now'll be armed to their teeth. Aimé, do you think we'll be able to find fresh water further into the forest?"

Aimé felt flattered that she would rely on his opinion but realized she was probably only taking him along because he was useful. "This is a tropical forest, it's likely there'll be rain and even if not, there's moisture everywhere. I don't think dying from thirst is our number one concern. Either way it's not worth going back to the cornucopia for."

"I think I saw the outfall of a river further down the beach," Alexander chimed in, "We have a good chance of running into it if we head towards the mountain."

Carlos shouldered the backpack, "Looks like it's a decision."

They started walking at a brisk pace, spaced out to have a better chance of running into fresh water. The whole time they were walking Alexander would not take his eyes of the vibrant green treetops overhead with an expression on his face between puzzlement and wonder, craning his neck whenever a bird or a gust of wind caused a rustle in the leaves, making him stumble once in a while. Aimé was about to comment on it when Johanna who seemed to have noticed it too, walked closer to him.

"Aimé, I don't think he's been to a forest before," she said quietly, "There are no forest in nine, right?"

Obviously neither of them had been there, but Aimé thought about the pictures and films he had seen of nine and all that came to mind was an endless sea of wheat, stretching out to the horizon. There had to be a few trees, orchards maybe, but Aimé suspected Johanna was right.

Dusk set in and with it a steady rain. They walked for a bit longer, thankful for their rainproof clothes but it got dark quickly so they decided to call it a day. When Alexander turned on the flashlight, he was tackled by Nina. No one even suggested trying to start a fire. Johanna insisted on setting up a rotation for watch duty even though it was clear no one was calm enough to get much sleep. They managed to collect rainwater in large folded leaves. Johanna, Aimé, Alexander and Carlos huddled together by the trunk of a tree.

Nina wandered off into the forest and returned with two small snakes, that she skinned and gutted with an ease that could only come from experience. She did offer the others a piece. Johanna and Alexander both tried the raw snake. Johanna could not get a bite down, retching as she tried to swallow. Alexander did manage to swallow but declined when offered another piece. Nina ate the rest without blinking an eye.

The announcement of the dead tributes flickered through a gap in the treetops. Instead of watching Alexander fiddled with the makeshift bandages on his hands.

"Let me take a look at that." Aimé gently took off the bandages and rinsed the rest of the ribwort off with water. The wound was weeping slightly but did not look infected. 

"Does it hurt?" 

"No." Alexander said but Aimé saw the muscles in his jar clench.

Aimé looked at the bandages, "I wish we could at least boil these."

"Have you ever used goldenseal?" Alexander asked him pointing at a few leafy plants nearby.

Aimé shook his head.

"Me neither but I've read about it." Alexander sounded excited. "You can grind the root and make a paste that's antiseptic."

Aimé dug one of the small roots out of the ground and looked at it doubtfully. He was suddenly very aware that they were in an arena designed to kill them and not in an untouched wilderness, and cursed himself for using the ripwort without a second thought earlier, hell, even letting Alexander put it in his mouth.

Alexander noticed his hesitation, "It's not a mutt or something. I'm sure." he said but he sounded just a bit too assertive, overplaying his own doubt.

Aimé found two stones in between which he mashed the root as finely as he could, pausing before putting the paste on Alexander's hand, "It'll be on your head. Quite literally."

Alexander nodded and held his palms out. Aimé gently dabbed the goldenseal paste onto the abrasions and cut new bandages out of the bedroll that he wrapped around Alexander's hands.

"Will you hold still," he scolded Alexander who tried to pull his hand away before Aimé could properly secure the end of the bandage in place.

"Most things you know about plants you know from books, huh?" he asked Alexander to distract and stop him from fidgeting.

"The monocropping in nine destroyed most of the ecosystem. What there is of wild plants I collected when I was younger but now I have to learn most things from books. Sometimes I can get Wilhelm to send seeds from the capitol but he is busy, he forgets..." he looked at his hand that Aimé was still holding, resting it on his knee.

Aimé thought he could feel Alexander's breath tremble slightly and the smallest deliberate brush of Alexander's thumb against his wrist.

Aimé cleared his throat, "There." He let go of Alexander's hand, which did cost him quite some effort, but he felt like at least one of them had to be responsible.

Johanna was looking at him, an eyebrow raised, and he flipped her off when he was sure Alexander would not see.

With no real indication for the passage of time Aimé stared into the darkness around them for most of the night and listened to the whispered conversation of Johanna and Carlos. Towards dawn it stopped raining and Nina disappeared again but she returned empty handed, saying she had not seen any animals, not even birds. They were all starting to feel hungry, Carlos was looking positively miserably, but they needed to keep moving so Aimé gave him some woodsorrels to chew. 

Once the sun stood high and blazing they did encounter some animals, namely mosquitoes that showed up in large buzzing clouds. There was no way to get rid of them and even though Aimé pulled his hands inside the sleeves of his jacket he could feel them bite on every millimeter of exposed skin. Carlos tried to eat one of the mosquitoes he had squashed but apparently did not find it a very rewarding experience especially after Aimé listed the diseases mosquitoes could transmit. Alexander was still walking with determination, making no attempt to swat away the insects like they didn't even faze him.

It also proofed difficult to keep walking towards the mountain and not get lost entirely, so they had to pause every few hours, wait for Nina to climb a tree and adjust their route accordingly to where she said she could see the mountaintop. 

It was the second time that day they were waiting at the bottom of a tree watching Nina move up between the branches, when Carlos who had crouched down to look at something on the ground screamed and jumped to his feet only to stumble backwards and fall again. Aimé ran over to him in time to see a snake slither away. Nina was there within seconds too, chopping the snake's head off with her ax.

Aimé knelt down next to Carlos who was twitching uncontrollably with blood stained foam forming on his lips. His eyes were rolled back into his head showing only white. Aimé pulled back his jacket to expose the small round bite marks on Carlos' forearm.

"Shit, someone get me some rope!"

The other three were standing around him but none of them moved.

"Shitshitdammit." Despite his better judgement Aimé leaned down to suck the venom from the snake bite but was stopped by Alexander's hand on his shoulder.

"The venom will have reached his heart by now," he said with a voice so calm it made Aimé furious.

Johanna looked at Alexander who gave her a small decisive nod, and took the ax Nina handed her. She waited for Nina to drag Aimé away but he could still hear the dull thud of the ax, Carlos last wheezing gasp and the cannon shot that followed.        

He bend over and dry heaved, willing the little food he had in his stomach to stay down. He felt numb and paralyzed for all of five seconds, then the dull feeling of self-loathing washed over him. He let it happen, knew the worst of it would pass. 

He watched Johanna drag away Carlos' body to a more open spot between the trees where a hovercraft picked it up. 

Nina ate the snake.

 

They continued to walk in silence with wide spaces between them but after a while Alexander drifted closer to Aimé who barely noticed. With the midday sun relentlessly beating down, his thoughts felt hazy and slow, his feet heavy. He was dragging them across the ground, barely noticing he was falling behind.

Alexander had to call his name three times before he got a reaction. "Aimé, are you alright?"

"Hmm."

"There's nothing you could have done for Carlos."

Aimé tried to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, nausea making the tree trunks dance in front of his eyes.   

Alexander continued, "You know it was the right thing to do. It was quick. Are you cross with us? Aimé?"

Aimé had stopped walking, then took another wobbly step but fell forward onto his knees.

"Aimé?" Alexander crouched down next to him, "Hey, Aimé!" he slapped Aimé's cheeks a few times to get him to focus, "Talk to me, are you okay?"

"Hm, fine," Aimé mumbled.

Alexander put a hand on his forehead. Aimé leaned into the cool touch.

"God, you're burning up." He slapped Aimé again as his eyes fluttered shut and he was about to fall over, "Hey, hey! Stay with me." 

Alexander called Johanna and Nina over.

"Jungle fever," Nina said and Aimé was conscious enough to panic at her determined voice and already saw her fingers twitch towards the ax on her belt.

"I can walk. I think. I just need a minute." Aimé took Johanna's offered Hand and pulled himself upright.

She watched with concern as he struggled to keep his head from spinning, "Do you think it could be malaria?"

Aimé shook his head vehemently, "It's not malaria. Incubation period -" he interrupted himself and threw up violently, retching even after his stomach was empty and all that came up was bile.

"Incubation period is at least a week." Alexander finished the sentence for him, "But it might be a mutated strain, the mosquitoes are probably mutts in the first place. It might be something else entirely. We can't know."

Johanna worried her lip, "I would like to keep walking for just a bit longer before nightfall. Do you think you can?"   

Aimé nodded, a hand braced on Alexander's shoulder.

"We should leave him," Nina said coldly, then threw her hands up at the startled looks of Alexander and Johanna, "What? We're all thinking it, no?"

"I wasn't." Aimé remarked dryly.

Johanna shushed him, "Let's at least wait the night out. If he's not better by tomorrow ..."

She and Alexander put an arm around Aimé and dragged him along till it was almost nightfall. He was positively delirious by then and collapsed as soon as Johanna and Alexander let go of him. Rain set in regular as clockwork. They put wet rags on Aimé forehead to bring down the fever and bundled him up in the remains of the bedroll.

"How you feeling, buddy?" Johanna asked softly when he managed to focus his eyes on her.

"Good good, don't worry bout me," he said voice ragged, "Just... will you water my plants when I don't make it back home?"

Johanna was about so say something, when Alexander knelt down next to them, bringing some water for Aimé and looking very cross.

"I swear to god, Aimé, pull yourself together." He manhandled Aimé into an upright position and poured water into his mouth, most of which ran down his chin.

"Don't you dare die on me, you absolute twat."

"Did you just say twat?" Aimé asked with a lopsided grin.  

"No. Now be quiet and drink something." 

He did, but water only did so much for the hole in his stomach and the tremble in his hands. To distract himself he looked up at Alexander, the small crease between his brows that appeared when he was concentrating, the scrape that covered a third of his face just starting to heal, his hair damp and tousled.

"You look pretty," Aimé mumbled without thinking it over.

Alexander stilled in his movements and looked at Aimé wide eyed, "What?"

"For a dead boy I mean." Aimé giggled. Then he passed out.

He awoke again to the Panem national anthem accompanying the faces of the dead tributes in the sky. Carlos and three others. Then there was another cannon shot preceding an announcement. Aimé tried to concentrate on the words spoken but they were coming from far far away and his thoughts were slow and sluggish.

"Dear remaining tributes ... very limited food in the arena ... feast in the mountain..."

It meant something Aimé was sure but he could not figure it out now. The others were sitting nearby and started discussing as soon as the announcement ended.

"We can't risk it," Johanna said immediately, "Everyone will try to get there, it's gonna be carnage."

Nina shrugged, sharpening her ax with a stone, "We can be quick. For all we know that's all the chance we're going to get." she turned to Alexander, "And not to be a downer but is lover boy over there gonna make it much longer without food?"

Alexander was silent.

Johanna glanced over to Aimé, then back at Alexander, "Is he?" 

Alexander swallowed thickly then shook his head slightly, "None of us is. But we're very close to the mountain now, maybe closer than most of the others. We could get there early."

"Provided Aimé can walk tomorrow." Nina remarked.

They sat there contemplating when a soft rustle from above made them jump. It was a parachute carrying a case. Johanna caught it and handed it over to Alexander. It was engraved with the wheat ears of nine. 

Nina eyed him with envy, "Rich friends in the capitol, huh?"

Alexander opened the case and took out a dagger with a matching sheath. Enclosed was a note that read 'keep your powder dry'.

Johanna laughed dryly, "I guess we should be glad to have another weapon beside the ax but to be honest I was really hoping for some bread."

"You should all try to get some sleep, so we can get as close to the mountain as possible tomorrow. I'll take first watch." Nina said and fleet-footedly hopped onto one of the lower branched of a nearby tree.

Johanna and Alexander settled down next to Aimé, Alexander with the dagger strapped to his thigh.


	6. Wilhelm

 

"Come on, people, how am I not allowed in there?"

Wilhelm Humboldt was standing at the door to the control room, peacekeepers blocking his way.

"I was in there last year when I was mentoring."

The peacekeepers did not budge. "We have orders."

"Yes, and I'm sure you're doing an excellent job. But I have clearance for the whole area." Wilhelm waved his badge around.

The peacekeepers looked unimpressed, "Orders from Snow himself."

"Give me strength." Wilhelm waved at a woman in the control room who walked over to give him a stiff hug.

"Camilla, good to see you."

"I haven't seen you in so long. You look old, Bill." she said, looking quite exhausted herself. It reminded Wilhelm of what a tough 24/7 job mentoring was once the games started.

"You know how capitol work can wear you down. I just wish they would let me into the damn control room."

Camilla looked over her shoulder into the room were the mentors were hunched over screens, game makers bustling about, "Look, I'm sorry about your brother but you need to get over it. Take it from someone who's been in this for longer than you. You need to let it go." 

Wilhelm gritted his teeth. "How's your kid doing?" he asked sharply.

Camilla shook her head, "A goner. He's hiding out but it's a matter of time till he'll starve. They're placing bets on how soon he'll start eating the body of his dead ally. They left her corpse in there with the explanation that it's too difficult to retrieve but really they wanna see some good old cannibalism."

Wilhelm made a disgusted face.

Camilla sneered, "Oh come on, you almost talked someone into eating their own arm."

"You know that's not what happened. You know what it's like in the arena."

She sighed wearily, "I know. Shit, the whole food situation this year is a bitch. Literal hunger games. I can't believe you had the funds and then made them send a knife instead of food."

"He can go longer without food. The girl from seven is a danger now." 

"Bill. Are you seriously trying to micromanage your brother's games? Let me say it like it is: He's not gonna make it out. I know it, you know it. The question is, is this gonna permanently fuck you up?"

Wilhelm held her stare, "They killed your family and you're still here."

Camilla sighed, then gestured towards the control room, "You wanna come watch?" She gave the peacekeepers a stern look, "Keep your pants on. It's on my responsibility. If Snow complains send him my way."

They sat down in front of the big screens showing multiples camera angles of all remaining tributes and watched Alexander sit in the dark, two fingers of his left hand resting on the wrist of the sick boy from twelve.

"He's not like you at all," Camilla said to Wilhelm, "I mean three years ago I didn't bet on you, I had my own kid in the running, but he is so gentle."

"He killed the boy from five."

"The gamemakers killed the boy from five because the audience didn't like him and he was bad for ratings. Johanna Gauß killed the boy from five. Alexander ..." she looked at the screen where Alexander was watching Aimé sleep. She dragged her thumb across her throat, "Alexander is in love with this boy. Go home. Take it as a lesson on spilled milk." She squeezed his shoulder, "I consider you a friend, Bill. Tell me honestly if you can't keep it together. I've seen good people go mad. If worst comes to worst I can get you nightlock, morphling, whatever you need."

Wilhelm stood up, "I appreciate it but I can manage. Send some nightlock to your starving kid. I'll see you around." He shot one last glance to the screen. Alexander had lain down next to Aimé, fingers on his pulse even in sleep, the other hand curled around the hilt of the dagger. Wilhelm turned around and left the control room.

 


	7. Part Two - II

 

Aimé woke up in the dead of night, not quite sure why. He could hear Alexander breathe softly next to him. Johanna was curled up close by but was awake and noticed when Aimé lifted his head.

"You feeling better?" she whispered.

Aimé winced, "Eh. Marginally."

She stood up, "I'm gonna go pee."

She disappeared between the trees. Aimé was about to drift off again when he heard a faint rustling sound. He turned around and was faced with the male tribute from seven holding a machete to the throat of the sleeping Alexander.

"Don't you dare make a sound." the boy hissed.

Between the trees Nina appeared dragging a struggling Johanna with her. 

The boy grinned at Nina, bare teeth standing out in the dark. Aimé knew it was all the distraction he was gonna get. He lunged forward, drew the dagger from the sheath on Alexander's leg and stabbed it into the hand the boy from seven was holding his machete with. The force of it made the blade press into Alexander's throat, there was a tickle of blood, a surprised yell, but he would live.

The boy from seven dropped the machete but had the presence of mind to grab Alexander and choke him with crook of his arm. Aimé's vision was blurry on the edges and he was dizzy but he was equally reckless so he jumped on the boy, trying to wrestle Alexander away from him. It was almost an accident when the dagger pierced the boy's trachea. His grip loosened quickly, he was looking at Aimé in disbelieve, then started to convulse wheezing and coughing blood with the horrible wet sound of air being dragged into his lungs through the hole in his throat. Aimé realized in horror that he had to have missed the carotid artery and that the boy would not die quickly, even now he was trying to reach his machete that was still lying on the ground. 

Aimé gritted his teeth and stabbed the boy again, this time precisely into the side of his neck. He heard Nina scream. He had almost forgotten her presence but she was still trying to get the upper hand on Johanna. He made sure the boy from seven was on his last lap and Alexander was out of harm's way, before he grabbed the machete and sprinted over to Nina and Johanna. Nina spun around to face him and blocked his machete with the hilt of her ax. Even with all the adrenaline that came with murder Nina was physically stronger than him. He knew he would have died right there, if it had not been for Johanna who heroically jabbed a knee in Nina's back and manage to twist her hand until she dropped her ax. Aimé had his machete against her throat immediately but hesitated.

"Do it." Nina snarled and spit blood in his face.

He took a deep breath. So steady with a scalpel but now his hand was trembling, it was laughable. He felt angry tears sting in his eyes.

"Aimé." Johanna put a hand on his shoulder, gently taking the machete from him. Without missing a beat she swung the blade across Nina's neck. A splash of crimson, Nina fell over, there was a cannon shot followed shortly after by a second one when the boy from seven stopped breathing too.

Aimé fell to his knees, his body a single throbbing ache. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Johanna walk over to Alexander who was also just starting to catch his breath again, his neck bloodied and bruised. She helped him to his feet, they exchanged some words. Aimé could not hear, white noise rushing through his ears.

Alexander walked over to him, put a hand on his forehead, proclaimed the fever gone.

"Let me look at your throat." Aimé put his fingertips on Alexander's chin to tip his head up. The rain was washing away the blood in pink rivulets and Alexander seemed to have no trouble breathing. He shivered when Aimé's fingers grazed his adam's apple.

"This could have been well worse. Thank god your people sent a knife." he handed the blade to Alexander who put it back in his thigh sheath. 

Johanna gave the machete to Aimé, "You wanna hold onto this?" She was already wearing the ax on her belt. He was thankful she had took the time to wipe the blood of the blades.  

"We should search them. They might have other things on them." Alexander said gesturing towards the bodies on the ground.

Aimé held him back by his arm, "Alexander, let it be. They're dead."

Johanna nodded, "They won't have more than the clothes they're wearing anyway." 

"We could use an additional jacket, no?"

"Alexander," Aimé snapped, then softer, "Let's just walk, okay? So they can pick up the bodies."

It was not long till sunrise so there was enough light to not get lost. They had to walk slowly with Aimé not quite out of the woods yet.

"I should have known," Johanna said after a while, " It was obvious, right? I should have known."

"Nina?" Alexander shook his head, "Don't beat yourself up about it. I knew she was close to the boy from her district and I didn't even question why he wasn't with us."

"I killed someone," Aimé said out of nowhere. Alexander and Johanna looked at him.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Johanna asked. Aimé hated the way she was looking at him with concern, like she thought he was weak. It felt like they were growing further apart with every minute.

Alexander frowned, "You had to. He would have killed us."

He would have killed you, Aimé thought.

"I think I can manage. Just ... Thank you, Jo. For taking Nina off my hands. I couldn't have ..."

"I know, that's why I did it. Don't feel like you owe me."  

"How many are left?" Aimé asked, dreading the answer. 

"Eleven." Alexander and Johanna said in unison. Aimé wondered whether him being the only one not keeping count meant something.

 

The sun rose, the heat returned and with it the mosquitoes. They were close to the mountain now and the spaces between the trees grew wider so it was easy to stay on track. At the same time they were increasingly wary of their environment, suspecting another tribute behind every small noise.They resorted to chewing roots and tree bark. Aimé felt like he was losing his mind. 

The foot of the mountain was a steep wall they ran into by afternoon. For a few moments they were at a loss. Climbing was out of the question even though they had ropes and carabiners, the stone was too smooth to even consider.

About ten meters up, the rock turned more rugged and they could see a clear path winding up the mountain.

"So now what?" Aimé asked.   

Johanna shrugged, "Walk around? Maybe the rock's not as steep everywhere."

"Which way round?"

"This way." Alexander said pointing right, while Johanna simultaneously pointed left. They paused and looked at each other awkwardly.

"This way is further away from the coast, so maybe we won't run into anyone else." Johanna said eventually.

Alexander frowned, "I don't know," he pointed up, "The path looks like it's coming down over there, maybe it even goes all the way to the bottom."

"Well, in that case everyone will try to go up that way. And if it comes to a confrontation we both know who'll be the first one going west." The both glanced at Aimé.

"You know I can hear you, right?" Aimé said but the other two ignored him.

"Fine, this way it is," Alexander mumbled grudgingly and started walking to the left.

The best thing about being out of the depth of the woods was that there were barely any mosquitoes around but Aimé could barely appreciate it when he was feeling light headed and had to be nudged by Johanna every now and then when his steps got small and slow. 

They had not been walking for too long when they ran into a rock slide breaking up the smooth wall. Big chunky rocks cascaded down forming a still steep but tempting ramp. They stopped and looked for a while, unsure.

"Well then ..." Alexander took out their ropes and carabiners. 

"We need - there's one thing we need to talk about," Johanna said hesitantly.

Alexander looked at the ropes in his hands and nodded.

Aimé frowned, "What?"

"Are we gonna put safety ropes between us or is it everyone for themselves?" Johanna asked quietly and the silence that followed was deafening as they all considered this.

Aimé cleared his throat, "I know I'm the weak link, so I understand if you don't feel like dragging my sorry ass up there, but I'd like to point out - for completely unselfish reasons - that if all of us make it we'll be better off at the feast."

"Of course we're gonna have safety rope between us," Alexander said and handed Johanna a piece of rope.

She was biting her lip nervously, "We could all fall and die. Or worse, get horribly injured."

"We are not going to," Alexander said insistently and started tying one end of a rope around his waist. He and Johanna decided with little more than a glance that Aimé would take the middle position on the rope between them.

Aimé was holding the ends of the ropes unsure how to tie them. 

"Do you know how to do a bowline knot?" Johanna asked him.

"That the one where the bunny jumps through the hole?" he fumbled with the rope for a bit until Alexander sighed theatrically and knelt down in front of him to secure the two ropes - the end of one already around Johanna's waist, the other's around Alexander's. 

Aimé glanced down at Alexander who was focusing on the knots, his face at eye level with Aimé's crotch and Aimé automatically looked over to Johanna half expecting her to exchange a grin with him, but she was looking up the rock slide.

Aimé insisted on binding Alexander's hand with additional fabric to protect it against the rough rock, then they were standing in a line at the foot of the slope. 

"I love you guys, but if one of you slips and falls I'm gonna cut that rope so quick ..." Johanna said before gripping onto the first big boulder and pulling herself up.

She had an upper body strength the boys were lacking and had to wait for them to catch up every few minutes. Alexander was stubbornly pressing on, even though Aimé saw blood seeping through the bandage on his hand. He felt the skin on his own hands break from trying to hold onto the coarse rock but a much bigger problem were the stones and pebbles that would give way under their feet. It made climbing a slow process: they had to tread carefully, shifting their weight slowly and for Aimé the concentration part was almost worse than the physical effort. He completely lost focus for a second at a time almost like microsleep. Johanna and Alexander were climbing a few feet above him and he was thankful for the support the ropes gave, although he was almost sure if he did lose his footing there was no way they would be able to hold him. 

"Pull yourself together, Bonpland, will you," Alexander said impatiently when they had to stop and and wait for Aimé to catch up.

The use of his last name left Aimé with a strange feeling. He wiped his sweaty hands on his thighs to get a better grip, salt burning in the cuts on his palms, and pulled himself up to a level with the other two.

"How are you holding up?" Johanna asked while checking the knots on Aimé's end of the ropes.

"I've .. been worse ... I ..." Aimé had to stop to pant for breath which was enough of an answer for Johanna who nodded and looked up with a worried expression. A few meters above them was a ledge. Beyond - as far as they could make out - an even area, possibly a path before the mountainside rose further.

"I'm gonna go ahead and take a look over the ledge." Johanna said and started untying the rope around her waist. Alexander opened his mouth but before he could say something Johanna cut him off, "I just don't want any surprises."

Alexander narrowed his eyes, "How do I know you're not gonna ambush us up there, push us off, something."

"Is that how much confidence you have in me, after I've gone out of my way to keep you safe?" Johanna asked sharply.

Aimé considered rolling his eyes but deemed it too damn exhausting to do so.

"Listen," Johanna handed her ax to Aimé, "I'm gonna go up, take a look and then come back down and tie myself to Aimé again. He can catch his breath in the meantime. That fine with you?" 

Alexander nodded and Johanna started climbing. 

Aimé leaned himself against a boulder as much as he dared to.

"You trust her too much," Alexander said quietly. He was not looking at Aimé, instead inspecting his blood stained bandages.

Aimé watched him with a lopsided grin, "And yet you are offended I don't trust you enough." 

Pink crept up Alexander's cheeks, he continued fiddling with his bandages then something caught his attention.

He leaned forward to look at a small speck of green and soft purple between the rocks, dangerously balancing on his toes. Aimé felt the tug on the rope around his waist.

"What is it? You better not be risking our lives for a common daisy."

"It's rockslide fleabane," Alexander said in awe, gesturing Aimé closer, "Magnificent how it just grows here, isn't it?"

"The gamemakers are just wildly messing around with climate zones, huh? This really shouldn't grow here next to a rain forest, they belong to two entirely different vegetation regions," Aimé said and he thought he could get used to the way Alexander was looking at him with rapt attention, "It usually prefers a coniferous forest or even tundra, right?" 

Alexander nodded, "I wonder how much of the arena is artificial or specifically planted, and how much grows here naturally."

"There'll be someone in the capitol who's job it is to design the flora for the arena each year," Aimé said, "They might be watching us complain about their unrealistic plant selection right now."

Alexander smiled at him and warmth bloomed in his chest. He had not realized until now that in leaning forward they had gotten so close he could feel Alexander's breath against his cheek. Aimé was half amazed how his body even now starved and febrile, made it a priority to notice how Alexander's jacket was opened just enough to show his suprasternal notch, the little dip in the middle of his collar bones. He hazily remembered that they had kissed but the thought seemed surreal and vaguely comical now. 

"Hey boys, coast's clear," Johanna shouted from above and lowered herself back down, swift footed like she had never done anything else in her life, "And there's fresh water up there," she said in delight as she tied the safety line around herself.

She and Alexander heaved Aimé up the rest of the way and onto the plateau where as promised a small stream ran along the cliff. They fell to their knees gulping the water down. Aimé knew it would still hunger only temporary but felt energized nonetheless. Only after he had drank as much as he reckoned he safely could he noticed the direction of the current was not down the path and away from the mountain but winding towards the summit through a crevice. Alexander was already walking over to where the stream disappeared between the walls of rock.

"It's broad enough to walk through." he remarked. 

"Should we though?" Johanna frowned, "What do we know about where the feast's gonna be?"

"I believe they said crater of the mountain."

Aimé pricked up his ears, "Is this a volcano?"

"Not an active one anyway," Alexander said, "There might just be a sort of valley in the middle. But the river has to go somewhere. It's that or going around and hoping to find a way up." he added watching Johanna intently.

"Fine", she said, "As long a you go first. And if we haven't reached somewhere by the first sign of dusk we're turning around. I'm not keen on spending the night in there."

With the crevice being only between two and three feet wide in most places, they walked in single file. After about half an hour Aimé's feet felt ice cold from wading through the water. He sneezed. Just as Alexander opened his mouth, undoubtedly about to remark on Aimé's shabby immune system, Johanna who was walking in front of them held up her hand in a fist to signal them to still and Aimé wondered where she had picked that up, maybe from the peacekeepers in twelve. 

She held up a finger to her lips and then to her ear. Aimé listened closely and the wind did carry faint voices. A hand on her ax Johanna slowly inched forward braced against the rock. Aimé froze, unable to move, sure he could hear the rush of his own blood. 

He felt Alexander's hand on his shoulder, felt him leaning in to say in a low voice. "Through a small crevice like this the wind will carry sound far and make it sound like it's close. We're downwind so they won't hear us and they won't smell us even though you reek."

Aimé rolled his eyes and shrugged Alexander's hand off. He followed Johanna and soon realized Alexander had been right as they walked for several minutes without a change of scenery. The crevice came to an abrupt end as they walked around a bend and suddenly stood in the open. Johanna shoved them back into the shade behind a boulder from where they could overlook the area.

The small creek they had followed here ran into a lake that covered the entire area of what had to be the crater of the mountain, at least a hectare in size. The water was clear and glistened in the sun. Rock face rose all around the water forming the crater rim and in it several small crevices. From where Aimé was crouching he could make out two figures standing at the edge of the lake opposite him. Aimé did not remember their names or districts. He could hear them argue although their voices were indiscernible, and point to something on the water.

Next to him Alexander was squinting to try to make out what was on the water then his eyes went wide. He poked Aimé in the ribs and pointed to several small objects that were scattered all over the surface of the lake. They were each about as big as a fist and floating on the mellow waves, marked with the emblem of the capitol. Across the lake something caught the other tributes' attention. Just a few meters along the rock from where Aimé was hiding another tribute appeared. Aimé would not have recognized them but he heard Alexander draw a sharp breath.

Little Suzie Emmer looked like a feral animal as she climbed out of a rock crevice. Her clothes and hair were covered in dirt and dried blood, her eyes piercing. When she saw the capsules on the water she did not hesitate a second before slipping off her boots to dive into the water and clumsily swimming towards the nearest one. One of the tributes on the far side of the lake took out a crossbow and aimed at Suzie but did not shoot with her a difficult target between the waves.

She reached a capsule and yanked it open right there barely being able to keep her head above water paddling her feet awkwardly. She stuffed the contents of the capsule into her mouth and looked around for the next nearest one. 

Everyone watching her saw the shadow in the water before she did. A good three feet long and thick like an arm it was swimming closer in a snakelike motion.

Suzie had reached the second capsule oblivious to the creature which circled her once then swam past her just gracing her leg. Suzie's whole body convulsed immediately and started thrashing around disturbing the water around her so it became impossible to see the creature underneath the surface. There was a gut-wrenching scream that made Aimé want to look away. He felt more than he saw Alexander rush out from behind the bolder where they were hiding out. Aimé had the presence of mind to run after him, prepared to grab him and keep him from hurling himself into the water but Alexander stopped all by himself right at the edge of the lake. He stood there his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he watched Suzie. It look unbearably long minutes for the water around her to come to rest again, for her to stop twitching. The cannon shot echoed within the crater. Her body drifted to the surface face down. The creature was slowly swimming away, a shadow just under the surface and Aimé felt Alexander lean forward to get a better look at it. He didn't get the chance to though because just like that an arrow appeared out of nowhere, hitting the creature dead on, the force of it dragging it into the deep, leaving behind a trail of blood.

Aimé and Alexander spun around to see the girl from four standing on a ledge close by. Aimé remembered her clearly from the training centre as she made quite the impression: over six feet tall with ice blue eyes in stark contrast to warm brown skin she was hard to overlook.

She did not hesitate after killing the lake creature, immediately drawing a second and then third arrow from her quiver and shooting the two tributes on the other side of the lake. She then reached for another arrow and Aimé suddenly realized they were standing out it the open and in the second that was left before they would undoubtedly end with an arrow though their hearts, Aimé threw himself into the lake pulling Alexander with him. He dived as deep as he dared to, away from the lakeside, painfully aware he would have to come up for air eventually. When his lungs were burning and he did push himself to the surface he saw that Johanna had come out of her hiding place and stood opposite the girl from four her ax in hand.

"You guys can come out of the water. She's out of arrows." Johanna said without looking away from the other girl. 

Aimé swam back to shore with a few quick strokes. As he was wading out of the water, Johanna's eyes darted around. "Where's Alexander?"

Aimé turned around just as Alexander came up to the surface clumsily treading water and struggling to keep his mouth above water level. He went down again almost immediately.  

Aimé cursed and dived back into the lake. Thankfully the lake was clear so that he could see Alexander's body drifting down but it was quite a challenge to drag him up with both of them wearing soaked clothes and heavy boots. Aimé managed to pull him on land, turning him over to help him cough up water.

"I -" Alexander tried to speak but had to cough violently and threw up bile and water. Once his breathing evened out he turned to Aimé, "I can't swim."

"No shit," Aimé poured the water out of his boots, "And when had you considered telling me?"

Alexander wiped his wet face on his equally wet shirt sleeve. The water was washing the dirt and dust from his hair and down his face in muddy rivulets. "It didn't come up before. You didn't exactly ask before throwing me in the lake."

"Oh my god, you would be dead right now if I hadn't!"

"That's great, boys, but can we discuss what to do with her?" Johanna interrupted them and nodded towards the girl from four who looked relatively relaxed considering she was being held at knifepoint.

"Can't we let her go if she's unarmed?" Aimé proposed halfheartedly, knowing very well they shouldn't.

Johanna looked torn. 

"If it counts for anything," the girl from four said carefully, "I'm a very good swimmer and you need those capsules because this guy," she nodded to Aimé, " is barely keeping it together, I can tell."

"What keeps us from getting them by ourselves?" Johanna asked sharply, "Two of us can swim."

The girl laughed dryly, "Yes, mediocre. So it's gonna exhaust you fast and probably not worth loosing those calories over. And if you stick around for much longer other tributes might get here. I can collect those capsules in no time, we split them evenly, you let me go. Good?"

Johanna considered it and looked over to the others for their opinion.

"What if there's another one of those creatures in the lake?" Alexander asked.

The girl from four shrugged, "Then you'd want to get into the water even less. That was an electric eel by the way. I'm familiar with them from home, although I've rarely seen them kill."

Alexander cocked his head in interest, "An electric eel? So it's not a mutt? I've read about these, and I always wondered -"

"Oh my god, Alexander, shut it," Johanna snapped impatiently, "You." She turned to the girl, "how do we know you're not gonna run away with all the food?"

"I can leave my clothes and stuff with you," she said and started undoing the zipper on her jacket.

Johanna still looked uneasy, "Why would you do that when you have no insurance whatsoever that we won't kill you after you come back with those capsules?"

The girl gave Johanna a quick once-over, then glanced over to Aimé and Alexander sitting on the ground wringing out their clothes, "I'll take my chances."

She stripped down to her underwear and tossed her clothes, a belt bag and her bow in a pile, before she dived into the lake and collected the scattered capsules with easy. Aimé whistled appreciatively at the speed and agility with which she moved in the water. Johanna elbowed him in the ribs.

In less time than should have been possible the girl had collected a whole bunch of the capsules and brought them on land. "I'd get more but..." she glanced up to the darkening sky tinted pink at the edges from the setting sun.

Johanna nodded. None of them wanted to be out in the dark for longer than necessary. They quickly divided the capsules between them.

Aimé did not wait to watch the girl from four walk away and immediately pried one of the capsules open. It contained about a dozen nutrition pills. Aimé had seen these once before when he managed to get some on the black market in twelve and they had been a blessing then. Looking like small generic pills they contained all vital nutrients but were lacking any of the satisfaction that came with eating real food. Aimé ate a couple of them. It felt weird since they did not exactly fill his stomach and his body was still telling him that it was on the edge of starving but he knew that it would not take too long until he would feel less like unconsciousness was only a second away. 

Johanna picked up the other capsules, "We should look for shelter. I don't like to be too close to the lake at night and we should try to dry your clothes." She gently pried the now empty capsule from Aimé's fingers and helped him to his feet. 

They chose one of the crevices in the rock at random and started walking until they came out the other side of the crater. Alexander found a shallow cave and Johanna seemed too tired to argue the case that it might not be the safest place to stay. 

"At least we can risk to make a fire here," she said and started chopping away at some gnarled bushes to get some wood to burn.

They did manage to start a fire in the cave eventually but not without Alexander giving a constant stream of commentary how Johanna was doing it wrong until she handed matches and sticks over to him. Half an hour and a shared effort later they huddled around a small fire.

Aimé started peeling his damp layers of clothes off.  Alexander watched him, then took off his jacket but stopped at his shirt and nervously over to Johanna.

"Could - " he cleared his throat, "Could you ..." 

She looked at him puzzled for an awkward moment until Aimé took mercy on them and nodded towards the mouth of the cave. 

"Right."

He caught her small eye-roll but she stood up and walked outside. 

Alexander stripped down to his underwear quickly and efficiently with his back to Aimé.

Aimé looked away pointedly and had to bite his tongue not to remind Alexander that there were cameras everywhere and there were probably thousands of people watching him undress right now.

He let Alexander have the bedroll to wrap up in so Johanna could come back into the cave. They each had some of the bland nutrition pills. 

"How are you feeling?" Johanna asked gently with that maternal concern on her face that Aimé couldn't bare.

When the anthem of Panem was played to announce the dead tributes, Johanna and Alexander ran outside to watch. Aimé wasn't sure he wanted to know. His mind was playing an endless loop of Suzie thrashing around in the lake. Johanna and Alexander came back into the cave and sat down wordlessly, staring into the fire.

"I'm sorry about Suzie." Aimé said.

Alexander nodded once.

"Are you ever scared," Aimé continued after a while, "that you'll grow indifferent to the horror?"

Johanna and Alexander watched him intently but neither of them opened their mouth.

"Like, those two other tributes at the other side of the lake." Aimé went on, "It didn't make me feel anything, like I'm numb to it."

"They were from ten." Johanna looked Aimé straight in the eye almost challenging, "I talked to them once. They were very young, very bright. She told me she was top of her class and wanted to become a geologist. After my interview she asked me how I had braided my hair because she loved it. To the first day of training the boy arrived with a purple stained mouth because he'd eaten heaps of blueberries, so much he got a stomach ache -"

"Jo, please," Aimé said quietly.

Johanna stopped. "Isn't this what you wanted?" she paused, "I didn't think so."

Aimé avoided looking at her, "I'm just wondering how victors manage to get past this after the games."

"Mostly they don't." Alexander voice was small and genuine, he busied his hands with inspecting his clothes which dried quickly near the fire, "I met a few in the victors village in nine. They all have their ticks. My brother - it was very bad right after the games. Any loud noise, anything that resembled a cannon shot ... he would turn white like a sheet."

Aimé had seen trauma in twelve. He lifted a hand to put on Alexander's shoulder but didn't know whether to pat the blanket or the bit of skin next to his neck and felt awkward so he dropped his hand again.

Alexander took a small object from the pocket of his jacket and absentmindedly played around with it.

Johanna sat up, "You have a compass?"

"It's my token," Alexander said closing his hand over the small brass disc protectively.

Johanna narrowed her eyes, "And at no point did you think we could maybe use that? It would have saved us so much time, god."

"Jo, there's no way they would have let him take a functioning compass," Aimé said wearily and really when Alexander opened his hand the glass cover was cracked and the needle did not stay pointed in a direction when he turned the compass.

"May I?" Aimé asked and Alexander hesitated for a moment but handed him the compass.

It was small and heavy and lay comfortably in his palm. The metal was still warm from Alexander's skin.

"It's nice." He gave it back to Alexander who stared at it pensively.

"It was nice," Alexander said, bitterness in his voice, "It was fine till they confiscated it for inspection. They didn't even ask: hey we can't allow you to take a compass because it would give you an advantage, so would you like to just leave it at home?... No, they just returned it to me broken like that."

"I'm sorry. It must be important you." Johanna stared out the mouth of the cave, pitch black now that night had fallen.

Alexander made a noncommittal sound.

The warmth of the fire settled heavy into their weary bones and when Aimé would not stop yawning, Johanna insisted on taking the first watch so the others could get some rest.


	8. Carl

 

A knock on the door harshly interrupted Carl's thought process and he finished writing down an idea, not looking up as he heard the door open and someone enter.

When he did look up from his papers President Snow was standing in his study. Max, the peacekeeper, was standing at attention in grave contrast to Carl slouching on his chair hunched over mountains of paper. President Snow stepped over documents scattered on the floor to stand in front of Carl's desk. 

"Mr Gauß. I hope you are having a pleasant day," he said, his voice composed and velvety but sharp underneath. His eyes traveled over to the television screen where a live broadcast of the game arena was playing at all hours of the day.

"I hear you are always working," he continued as it was clear Carl would not return the niceties, "and yet I don't get any results. Now how can that be? They tell me you have the brightest mind I'll ever find in all of Panem." He grabbed one of the pieces of paper from the desk. "I don't know much about maths but this doesn't look like what I asked you to do."

Carl did not bat an eye.

Snow went on to hold the piece of paper in front of Max' face, "Does this look like what I asked him to do?"

"No, sir, no." Max said, staring straight ahead, his eyes not focusing on the paper.

"Do you have a lighter one you, officer?"

"Yes, sir."

Snow took the lighter from him and flicked it on. He held the flame under the piece of paper where it licked sooty stripes over the scrawly sketches. 

Carl clenched his hands into fists but resisted jumping out of his chair. "What you need is someone who's into applied mathematics, ideally a proper physicist. I'm not gonna sit here and crunch numbers for you all day."

Snow let the paper catch fire and let it fall to the floor where it burned to a fine ash.

"Since you seem to have no respect for what I do, please continue burning all these papers but I can't help you with what you're trying to do," Carl said equally weary and defiant.

Snow curled his lips displeased, his patience wearing thin. He pointedly looked over to the screen where Johanna was shown sitting near a fire. 

"She's been lucky, huh?"

Carl gritted his teeth, "It's not luck."

"In your case I was advised to try positive reinforcement." Snow sighed, "So let's do that, shall we? I am willing to send Mrs Gauß whatever you can fit in a parachute pod: food, a personal note, whatever you like, just give me something that shows me you're willing to cooperate. Meet me halfway?"

Carl was on the verge of telling Snow to sod off but on screen Johanna was humming absentmindedly as she cleaned her boots and dark circles did nothing to diminish her eyes, bright and stoic and Carl was helpless then.


	9. Part Three - I

 

Aimé woke up in the middle of the night from the tingling sensation where his arm had gone asleep from lying on it and was about to just turn around before drifting off again when he saw a silhouette standing near the mouth of the cave and was wide awake in a split second. He tried to remain still and breathe away the adrenaline flooding through him as he reached for his machete but then the person took a step forward into the moonlight and Aimé could tell that it was just Johanna.

He stood up and walked over to her, "You just took five years off my life creeping around like this."

She turned around, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's alright. I can keep watch for a while so you can sleep."

She looked out to the treetops of the jungle where the rain pattered on the leaves to form a steady ambient noise, then back to Aimé who was unsettled to see crushing guilt in her eyes. "That won't be necessary. I'm leaving."

"I see." Aimé struggled for words but felt like there was nothing to say.

"You should too." She looked over to the sleeping Alexander, "This is no place for ..." She breathed out, slowly, shakily. "He's not your responsibility."

Aimé chewed the inside of his cheek, avoiding her glance. "I know."

"Does he make you feel whole in a way you did not think you could feel?"

He looked up at her a little too quickly, "What?"

She smiled her soft sorry smile. "Do you have any regrets?"

"Would you like them alphabetically or ...?" he laughed dryly until Johanna gave him a stern look and he quieted. 

"Do I regret volunteered? The hell does it matter now? Do I regret meeting him ..." he looked towards the sky as if he might hope to find an answer there, "Look, I don't know what to tell you."

"It's alright. Do what you feel you have to." She put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him close so their foreheads rested together.

"It's more a process of elimination because I only know what I definitely cannot do so I usually end up doing what's left, but there is not as much leeway as I'd like -" he mumbled.

"Yeah yeah, Aimé, the day you stop kidding around I'll know that something is seriously wrong." She pulled the hood of her jacket over her head and took a few steps backwards away from him, "I just hope this is the grand adventure you were looking for. I hope you get a quick and easy death, Bonplant. I hope you get to hold Humboldt's hand."

"Give Mr Gauß my regards when you see him again."

Johanna inclined her head, then turned around and started walking away. 

Aimé waited for a few beats in case she would look back. She did not.

 

He spend the last few hours till sun rise just sitting outside the cave and watching the dark vanish to the west. When there was enough light to see Aimé found a parachute with an empty container embellished with the pickaxes of district twelve. Aimé wondered whether whatever had been in there had caused Johanna to leave.

About an hour after sunrise Alexander came out of the cave fully dressed and ready to go.

"Where's Johanna?"

"Gone."

"God, what happened? Was there a fight? I didn't hear a cannon shot." Alexander was looking around as if he was hoping to see someone else nearby and it took Aimé a moment to understand what he had to be thinking.

"No, Jesus, she's not dead. She left. I guess she thought it would be better to go separate ways since we are down to only a few tributes."

"Oh, okay," Alexander said stiffly. He handed Aimé his jacket and machete. "We should get going."

Aimé leaned back against the rock and let the sun shine on his face. He could feel the beginning of a sunburn on his nose and cheeks but the warmth was so nice he did not mind. "Can't we stay here for a bit? It seems relatively save, we have a cave, something to eat."

Alexander frowned, "It's not that save. If someone finds us here we're cornered."

"Who's gonna find us here? Alexander, if I just think about walking again all day I'm gonna barf. Besides where are you planning to go that can't wait till tomorrow?" Aimé opened his eyes the tiniest bit, just enough to see Alexander's disapproving face.

"We're going," he said in a tone that made it clear that was the last word in the matter.

Out of spite Aimé took his time collecting his things and let Alexander wait.

 

They started walking eventually following the path along the mountain and Aimé did not barf but somehow the silence between them felt heavier than when Johanna had still been with them. Nature around them was so peaceful it could be easy to forget there were a handful people out to get them and they could not run forever. Aimé felt like a fish in a barrel, albeit a big barrel. 

There were a few times during the day when they had to climb around boulders and rubble and Aimé grew increasingly irritated with Alexander who had started to avoid touching him whenever possible. At first Aimé did not think twice about it when Alexander pulled away his hand quickly when ever he handed him something but it turned ridiculous up to a point when Alexander refused to take Aimé's hand to pull him up to a rock ledge and Aimé had to watch him scramble up alone. 

Towards the afternoon they took a rest. Aimé routinely reached for Alexander's hand to clean his bandages as they had done regularly the past few days but Alexander pulled his hand away avoiding Aimé's questioning look.

"What crawled up your-?"

"Nothing," Alexander said trying hard to appear unperturbed with his clenched jaw giving him away.

"Give me a break and let me do your damn hands." Aimé grabbed one of Alexander's wrist but he twisted his arm so Aimé had to let go again.

"Oh no, I'm not gonna let things get awkward between us, I'm done with that," Aimé said and tackled an unsuspecting Alexander. He pinned him to the ground and got a hold of one of his hands. Alexander was not struggling to get free so Aimé loosed his grip and followed the familiar steps of cleaning the wounds.

"Listen, I don't want this to be weird any more than you do," he mumbled while working away more forcefully than was strictly necessary, "You need to come to fucking terms with this situation because I'm not about to leave you if you aren't. And I think you'd like to repress that we made out stupidly on the roof of the training center and there must have been a reason for that even though I can't recall it right now but yeah, that was like a whole thing in case you forgot."

Instead of looking at Aimé Alexander's eyes flicked along the mountainside nervously. Aimé knew he would not be able to see them but the cameras were there and he wondered why Alexander was so concerned with his public reputation. He turned around to where a camera might be.

"Hey," he yelled, "Aren't you bored with us yet?" Unsurprisingly there was no answer but that did not discourage Aimé, "Are you worried you're not getting your money's worth?"

On a whim and also because this built up anger had to go somewhere he turned back to Alexander and pressed their lips together hard their teeth knocking together painfully. It didn't last longer than a split second since as soon as Aimé had leaned forward Alexander punched him square in the jaw. 

Aimé stumbled back off of Alexander, both equally surprised Alexander maybe even more so as he stared at his still clenched fist then at Aimé who was holding and flexing his jaw carefully. "I deserved that."

"I didn't mean to, it was a reflex." Alexander said blushing furiously.

Aimé had a crooked grin on his face he could not quite wipe off. "No, that was a good punch.” He held his hand out to Alexander who took it to pull himself up.

 

When they continued walking the silence between them had softened, even though Alexander was still adamant about his personal bubble- Aimé made a point of not commenting on it.

"Did you ever think you would make it this far?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," Alexander said, his eyes fixed on the path straight ahead.

"I didn't. But I certainly try not to think about it too much." Aimé chewed on his lips, "Do you miss your family?"

"It doesn't matter."

"So you miss them?"

"No."

Aimé frowned, "How about your brother?"

"No."

"If you could talk to him right now, what would you tell him? This is sort of your chance. I don't wanna say 'last' but ..."

 Alexander shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. "I have nothing to say to him."

"Oh, are you -" Aimé started but Alexander continued talking over him.

"We were close as kids, you know.  I don't know what happened. He wasn't the same after the games."

Aimé felt unsure what to say. "I guess it's normal to grow apart when you grow up."

Alexander was quiet for a moment as if caught up in a memory.

"Textbook examples of extroversion and introversion, our tutor used to say."

Aimé smiled to himself, "I can see that, with him in politics and you..."

Alexander looked at him as if curious how he would continue.

"And you with ... the way you are," Aimé finished lamely.

Alexander cocked his head, the ghost of a frown, "The way I am."

"Yeah, you know-" Aimé abruptly stopped dead in his tracks and interrupted himself, "Do you also feel like it's suddenly colder?"

Now that Aimé looked closer he noticed that it had gotten slightly foggy around them unperturbed by the sun still beating down, the view of the trees in the distance hazed.

"This is fascinating," Alexander mumbled under his breath as the fog thickened at an almost observable pace.

Aimé felt like his limbs were getting heavier by the minute and he wanted nothing more than to take another rest. Alexander noticed him sitting down. "We just had a break like an hour ago, we should keep going."

"Hmhm," Aimé hummed but made no move to get up. In the back of his head there was a hazy warning bell going off but he felt so content and drowsy.

Alexander rubbed his own fingers together and looked at them curiously. "Do you feel this numbness too?"

Aimé shrugged and patted the ground next to him, "Come on, just a little rest." His words slurred together lazily.

"Aimé, no." Alexander grabbed him by the arm and tried to pull him to his feet but he was heavy like a sack of flour, "Aimé, this is very stupid, we need to keep going."

The voice sounded distant to Aimé, his eyes fluttered shut. Alexander crouched down in front of him and slapped his cheek a few times. Aimé made an irritated noise annoyed by the disturbance but stumbled to his feet when Alexander put an arm around his chest to pull him up.

"That's it." Alexander half dragged him along the path, giving a painful pinch to the soft inside of Aimé's arm whenever he was in danger of nodding off.

"Mind over matter, mind over matter," he kept repeating to himself like a mantra.

The fog showed no sign of lifting even after they had walked for quite some time and Aimé could feel Alexander slow down and trip on almost every step. Eventually he stopped altogether and they braced themselves against the rock wall.

"We can't fall asleep," Aimé mumbled, fighting to keep his eyes open.

"No ... we have to ... keep walking," Alexander said between labored draws of breath, "I'm just gonna ..."

Aimé did not catch what he was going to do but watched him crawl over to the edge at the side of the path where they could not see more than a few feet down because of the dense fog. Aimé did not register the danger and felt comfortable slumped against the rock. He was staring into the white nothingness of the fog when it seemed to him like it started to move in patterns and form a shape which started to look like Johanna holding out her hand the longer Aimé looked at it and although he knew it had to be a hallucination he still found himself stepping towards her.

He didn't see the cracked edge of the cliff until it was too late and the rock gave way under him. He tumbled down with the loose rubble, everything he tried to hold onto also shifting and falling. For a split second he saw Alexander struggle to keep himself up on the ledge but was dragged down by the debris, and the dust the rockslide caused together with the fog made it impossible to see anymore. Aimé felt his whole body bruise from sharp rocks digging into his skin so it was almost a blessing when he hit his head hard and immediately blacked out.

 

Aimé did not know how long he had been out when he regained consciousness. He was lying on his back and when he eased his eyes open he saw sunlight shining through leaves. The air was clear as if there'd never been any fog. Aimé lifted his head and there were a few pangs of dull throbbing ache. He moved all of his joints to see if anything was broken anticipating the sharp pain but he could stand up without problems.

Worse than the bruises was the moment he saw Alexander's body lie motionless half buried under rubble. He hurried over and fumbled around for the pulse on Alexander's neck. It took him excruciatingly long to find but when he felt the soft thump under his fingers he allowed himself to breathe out.

He let his forehead fall against Alexander's shoulder in relief and rested there for a moment quietly laughing about himself. You'd think the novelty would wear off after it was not the first time he had thought Alexander dead but it only got worse.

"What are you doing?"

Alexander's voice made Aimé jump.

"Nothing, I was just making sure you're alive. Can you tell me your name?"

Alexander raised an eyebrow, "Are you concussed?"

"No, I'm just making sure you're not concussed."

Alexander wanted to sit up but Aimé held him down with a hand on his arm, "Easy there. Just tell me your name so I can stop worrying."

"This is stupid, I'm alright." Alexander said.

Aimé gave him a stern look.

"Fine. Alexander. I was born September 14th. Today is Friday." 

Aimé nodded, "See, it's not that hard."

Alexander stood up, " Where are we?"

Aimé looked around properly for the first time. Behind them if he looked up he could see the cliff edge from where they had fallen several meters above. They were standing in a sort of valley with a few trees around but mainly tall grass and shrubs. It looked very peaceful and Aimé half expected for something deadly to jump out of a bush. It did not and he took his time assessing the damage on his body from the rockslide while Alexander looked around the area. Aimé was thankful he did not find any open wounds but there were dark, almost black bruises that made him wince from pain when he touched them. Internal bleeding was a scary thought since there was little he could do against it. He cursed.

"Are you alright?" Alexander asked from a feet away where he had somehow caught a butterfly. He had formed his hands into a cage and was watching the insect through the gaps in his fingers.

Aimé walked over to him, "You must be pretty bruised too."

Alexander looked up and shrugged as if he had not even considered it.

"I know, mind over matter and all, but they won't go away just from not acknowledging them." Aimé sighed, "You'd tell me though if you'd broken something, right? Because I wouldn't put it past you to just ignore a cracked rib."

"I'm not stupid." Alexander opened his hands and let the butterfly flutter off. "I do think it is a good idea to rest though."

Aimé grinned, "That's the best thing I've ever heard you say."

While Alexander was still strolling around Aimé settled down where he had the wall of rock behind him and shelter from a tree that had hanging branches like a willow. He watched through half open eyes how Alexander walked around to inspect the plants nearby. He noticed Alexander would mumble to himself and make small delighted sounds when he found a plant of particular interest. Aimé had to bite his lip not to smile and tell himself it was really not that endearing when Alexander walked over to him, cradling a plain looking grass in his hands.

"Do you have a pen and piece of paper?"

"Alexander, do I need to remind you where we are? So no, I did not bring a pen and paper."

Alexander tried not to let it show but his face fell the tiniest bit. "Of course."

"Sit down." Aimé nodded to the patch of grass next to him. "You can't tell me you're not also exhausted."

"I am not," Alexander said but he did sit down. He went even so far as to take his jacket off which he neatly folded and put away.

Aimé breathed in sharply as he saw Alexander's arms which had bruises blooming in purple and blue. Alexander unwrapped the bandages from his hands and Aimé was at least glad to see a healthy scab had formed on the abrasions.

As Alexander crossed his legs to sit and relaxed somewhat his shoulder came to rest against Aimé's who was racking his brain over whether it could be on purpose or just coincidence and he did not dare comment on it in case Alexander would move. So he just sat there embarrassed over how much he cherished the small touch and this strange moment of them sitting shoulder to shoulder, soaking up the sun, their skin a battlefield.

He felt Alexander shift slightly next to him and their knees bumped into each other just where Aimé had a swollen bruise that made him groan in pain. Alexander did not apologize but backed off immediately and Aimé could not find the words to say, please stay, I'm starved for touch.

Alexander was too antsy to sit for long and roamed around till nightfall. They had shepherd's purse and nutrition pills for dinner and they did not watch the announcement of the dead tributes because Johanna might be among them but if they never saw her picture up in the sky she might as well be still alive.


	10. Wilhelm

The sight of Wilhelm spending his every free moment in the control room had become a familiar one to the mentors and game makers. No one bothered to stop him walking in and out anymore. He had overheard people criticize him that he wasn't at the Games head quarters more, only minutes at a time before he had to run off again to an appointment even though his own brother was in the arena. Wilhelm did not take it to heart. He was used to getting called worse things than cold-hearted. He knew there was only so much he could do to help Alexander and was not sentimental enough to waste his time when he knew he was needed elsewhere. Already he did not know how he managed to get the  bare minimum of sleep between meetings and deadlines and watching Alexander make reckless decisions in the arena.

Alva, one of district nine's mentors, greeted Wilhelm with a nod as he dragged over a chair to sit next to her.

"Do you need an update?" she asked without taking her eyes off the screen where Alexander and Aimé rested after having been hit by the landslide.

Wilhelm shook his head, "I've heard." He had a live ticker set up on all of his mobile devices.

"Health screening tells us he's fine given the circumstances, no fractures or anything." Alva pointed to a screen on her control panel showing Alexander's vitals, everything from numbers indicating his blood sugar level to a spiky line showing his heartbeat. "We're also expecting a few calmer days. I've talked to a game maker and he tells me they currently don't plan on sending more obstacles their way as long as the viewers are still interested in watching them frolic around all cutesy." Her face turned more serious, "We're having a lot of sponsors come up to us since Johanna left. We've had the funds to send a parachute for a while now." She called up a file on the screen and pointed to a number. "But we're getting weird requests from the sponsors. They would like to send a lot of stuff that isn't going to help Alexander. On the other hand we don't want to send anything vastly different because we don't want to alienate them to a point where they stop giving money."

"What kind of requests?"

Alva cleared her throat sheepishly, "Weird ones. You know how his fans get."

Wilhelm sighed, "This morning someone approached me with money asking to send condoms. That kind of weird?"

"Yeah. They all go in that general direction, I'm afraid. I never had these kind of problems as your mentor."

Wilhelm forced a smile just as the small electronic device on his wrist vibrated reminding him of an appointment.

"I have to go. I rely on you picking out something nice to send him. Won't hurt if it's something to appease the sponsors," he said as he was already getting up. "Just don't send condoms. I'm so glad mother is not alive to witness this."

Wilhelm made his way out the building where he got jumped by reporters. There were always a few camped outside the head quarters during the games. He put on a smile for the cameras but did not answer any of the questions that ranged from "Mr Humboldt, who are you wearing?", over "What can you tell us about the current game plan concerning Alexander and Aimé?" to "Sources say you don't want your brother to win so you don't have to share the fame. Comment?".

He let his PA usher him into the backseat of his car. Behind the tinted windows he let the smile fall of his face and took out a folder with documents to prepare for his next meeting. 

Ever since he could remember he had been getting Alexander out of trouble. It had been easy when Alexander had still been a child and the only hot water he got himself into was trespassing and stealing seeds, but with time he did not learn when to keep his mouth shut and two years ago Wilhelm did have to pull out all the stops to get him out of custody after he wrote an article for the school paper in which he questioned why people from the capital were seen as inherently superior to people from the districts. One year ago Wilhelm could only just stop him from putting forward a motion for an expedition team to be send to district thirteen.

Wilhelm shook his head and carefully put thoughts of his brother aside. You did not get as far as he had gotten unless you had your priorities sorted out and knew where sentiment had it's place and where not.


	11. Part Three - II

Just as night had fallen and the last note of the anthem of Panem faded away a parachute sailed down and softly landed in front of Alexander's feet. He opened the container and took out a round tin and a slip of paper. He handed the tin to Aimé. It contained a pale yellow cream that smelled faintly of yarrow.

"This gotta be for the bruises, right? What does the note say?"

"Nothing," Alexander said a little too quickly and crumpled it in his hand but Aimé managed to snatch it from him before he could put it away.

It said: _Don't let bruises keep you from touching._

Aimé looked up to Alexander who was avoiding his eyes.

"Well, at least we have the cream. Don't really care why they sent it but I'm glad they did," Aimé said to lift the awkwardness and experimentally rubbed some of the cream on one of his bruises. It immediately felt cool and numbing. Aimé sighed happily and held the tin out to Alexander who made no move to take it.

"I don't want that. That's blackmail." He gritted his teeth, the muscles in his jaw moving. "It's like when mother used to tell me if I could only find a nice girl to marry she would give me the money to travel. What's up with this obsession with match making anyway."

"You don't care for that?"

"No." Alexander said, voice dripping with defiance.

Aimé nodded and patiently waited for Alexander's breathing to slow and the muscles in his jaw to relax before he took the tin and wordlessly began dabbing the cream on the bruises on Alexander's arms. 

"You can't always fight everything just for the sake of it," Aimé said quietly when he was done.

Alexander opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Aimé laughing lightly.

"I know technically you can. But what for? I think you just hate to be wrong so much you'd do anything to prove yourself right."

Alexander furrowed his brow. "I don't-"

"Don't fight me, Alexander. You'd prove my point."

Alexander's mouth fell shut. It took him a moment to regain his composure. "Take off your shirt."

Aimé blinked. "What?"

Alexander unscrewed the tin of cream. "You have a bad scratch on the back of your neck you won't be able to reach by yourself."

Aimé took it as an olive branch and let Alexander rub the cream on the nape of his neck. After a while Aimé felt Alexander's fingers move down and continue with the other bruises along his spine and rib cage. Aimé shivered. He could feel Alexander's hands still.

"Are you cold?"

Aimé had a lump in his throat and could only shake his head. There was a moment when neither of them moved, then Aimé heard the sound of the lid being screwed back on the tin and again a few seconds later he felt fingers ghost over the nape of his neck, along his shoulder blades, tracing his costal arch. Aimé breathed out, Alexander's name on his lips almost inaudible. The touch on his back disappeared and his shirt got dropped into his lap.

Alexander sat down again next to him with his legs crossed, "There you go."

Aimé wanted to say thank you but did not trust his voice to not give him away.

 

They took turns sleeping and keeping watch and Aimé felt surprisingly rested when the sunrise woke him. He opened his eyes to the sight of Alexander drinking out of the flashlight casing that had run out of batteries a while ago and they had hollowed out to collect water.

Aimé sat up immediately. "You found water."

Alexander handed him the makeshift bottle. "There's a small stream just around there." He gestured in a general direction.

Aimé made a delighted sound, "Oh thank the gods! Show me and cancel all my appointments. I'm gonna do nothing but drink for the next five days."

He followed Alexander to the stream which was small and quaint and collected in a pool against the mountain side. Aimé splashed his face with the crisp cool water and gulped down a few handful.

Alexander took a step away to he would not get splashed. "I'm going to get the rest of our things. I don't want them lying around unattended," he said and disappeared between the trees.

Not having bathed since the beginning of the games save their little swim in the lake on the mountaintop Aimé was glad to peel his clothes off and run into the pond. It was big enough to swim a few strokes across and he relished how it washed away sweat and dust and cooled his bruises until he felt a bit more human again. He dived for as long as he could and when he came back up Alexander was standing at the side of the pond watching him.

Aimé pushed the dripping strands of his fringe out of his eyes. He forced himself not to be self conscious and look Alexander straight in the face. He just caught Alexander's eyes flick up from where they had been staring at his body. And because he was feeling bold and maybe the tiniest bit smug, he bit his lip and held a hand out to Alexander.

"Don't you wanna come in, it's lovely."  

Alexander dropped his gaze, looking everywhere but Aimé in a way it was almost comical. "You should come out and get dressed."

Aimé laughed, "Does this bother you?"

"There are cameras."

"Aw come on. They always censor nudity anyway." 

"It's not safe. What if one of the other tributes would find us now?"

"The more the merrier." Aimé grinned and stretched his arms over his head.

Alexander picked up Aimé's clothes and held them towards him. "Don't be so childish."

Aimé took his time wading out of the pond until he stood in front of Alexander with water dripping down his chest.    

"You'll have to stop being afraid eventually."

He saw Alexander swallow. "I'm not afraid." 

Alexander shoved the bundle of clothes towards Aimé who caught Alexander's wrist in his hand.

"Oh yeah? Because to me this looks awfully like a game of chicken."

Alexander pulled his hand away and carried their sparse belongings over to a tree.

Aimé threw back his head in exasperation and followed him. "You're insufferable."

Alexander was fidgeting with the buckle on their backpack. "We should get to know this area a bit more. Find out from which direction someone else is likely to find their way here if we plan on setting up camp."

"Fine, let's go," Aimé threw his clothes on and stomped ahead. 

As it turned out the valley was enclosed by steep mountainside almost all the way around safe a stretch where there was only a small hill. Aimé was about to walk up to see what was behind but Alexander suddenly stopped dead and put a hand on Aimé's shoulder.

"Don't move."

Aimé was puzzled and watched as Alexander caught a small grasshopper nearby which he carried to the foot of the hill in cupped hands. He then nudged the grasshopper to jump away from him. The insect did not get far. Mid jump it looked like it hit an invisible wall, there was an electric spark then it fell straight to the ground. Alexander picked it up careful not to touch whatever it had come in contact with and showed the small carcass to Aimé.

"It's a force field. Seems like we've reached the edge of the arena."

Aimé experimentally threw a stone and watched it bounce off the invisible force field. "That's so weird." 

"At least we're safe from this side," Alexander said and was about to keep on walking but it took another fifteen minutes before Aimé grew tired of watching objects bounce off thin air and could be convinced to move on.

In total it took them about an hour to walk all around the area until they arrived back at the pond.

"Okay. This is ... nice I guess." Aimé said, giving Alexander a careful look, "I know you have like the itchiest feet of anyone I've ever met but what would it take to convince you to take it slow for a while, stay here as long as we can? I'm sure something terrible is going to happen soon enough, but for now this seems like a nice place."

Alexander took some water from the stream with the flashlight bottle and drank it. Aimé was so mesmerized watching some water run down his chin and over his neck he almost missed Alexander's answer. 

"Let's stay then."

Aimé blinked. "Really? I thought it would take a lot more persuasion. I have like a whole string of arguments ready."

"You're right. It's a good place." Alexander smiled and Aimé felt like it had been so long since he'd seen him smile it was a sight for sore eyes.

They rest of the day they spend roaming around the area to see what kind of plants grew nearby. Aimé was familiar with most of them and the ones he did not know from home Alexander had read about in a book. Aimé also mainly knew the common names of the plants while Alexander let the Latin roll of his tongue effortlessly which Aimé found annoyingly attractive.

Towards the evening he was lying around with his feet dangling in the pond while Alexander was still walking around between the trees and digging out roots. For the first time he noticed the way Alexander looked different now than before they had entered the arena. Somehow Alexander did not look out of place here, the wilderness suited him. It was weird since there was nothing apparently wild about him, quite the opposite, but when he was walking through the grass that came up to his hip and gently cradled a beetle in his hand it looked like such a fitting picture, like he belonged.    

Aimé was deep in thought and only noticed the voices overhead when he saw Alexander spin around and search the side of the mountain with his eyes. Before Aimé could react Alexander was running towards him, grabbed him resolutely and pressed him against the rock right under an overhang where they were shielded from above.

The voices coming from the mountain path were indiscernible at first but as they were getting closer Aimé recognized them as the pair from district two.

"Are you sure we're going in the right direction?", the boy asked.

"Yeah, north is this way. How often do I have to tell you?" The girl sounded irritable. There was a pause, then she continued, "I still can't believe you let that girl from twelve get away."

A surprised sound slipped past Aimé's lips before he could clasp a hand over his mouth. Alexander shot him a warning glance.

"Wait, what's that?" they heard the boy say.

Aimé squeezed his eyes shut. He felt close to hyperventilating at this point, his thoughts revolving around, _please don't let them find us_. He knew they was no way they could fight the careers and there was no point in running. 

Alexander nudged him softly and nodded towards their flashlight casing that was lying at the side of the lake where the tributes from two could see it. Aimé cursed himself.

"Let's check it out," the boy said. They had stopped walking and were standing right above where Alexander and Aimé were hiding. 

"I'm not gonna go down there for a stupid thing that'll probably turn out to be junk," the girl said, barely trying to hide her annoyance.

The boy was insistent, "There might be someone down there."

"There's no one down there, it's just a piece of rubbish."

"I'm just gonna take a quick look."

"And how do you plan on getting back up here, genius?" There was a moment of silence. "Yeah, that's what I though. Now let's go, I wanna find a place to sleep before nightfall."

Aimé heard them walk away but kept his lips pressed together until the sound of their steps had faded to silence.

"Ohgod. Ohmygod," he said finally, his voice breathy.

Alexander cleared his throat, "Could you let go?"

"What?"

"Could you let go of my hand?"

Only then Aimé realized had been squeezing Alexander's hand the whole time. 

"Oh, of course, sorry," he mumbled absentmindedly and tried to breathe out slowly but could not get rid of the trembling in his body. 

"Aimé."

"Yes?"

"You're still holding my hand."

Aimé forced himself to relax the muscles in his fingers and let Alexander pull his hand away. Almost immediately Aimé dropped to his knees, his legs too wobbly to support him. He felt tears well up in his eyes and did not know what was happening to him. White noise was rushing in his ears, it took him a moment to notice Alexander had crouched down next to him and was saying his name.

"Aimé, hey, are you with me? It's okay, they are gone. Aimé, we are okay. You are okay."

"Just give me a second..." Aimé said his voice breaking. 

Alexander put a hand on his back, not moving it. It was just there and Aimé could feel the warmth radiating from it through his shirt and felt his own pulse slow.

"Sorry, I don't know where that came from." A nervous laugh bubbled past his lips. "I just - god, this was weird. You know how they say your whole life flashes in front of your eyes? It wasn't like that. But like, realizing this might be it ..." He looked up to Alexander. "I don't wanna go."

Alexander stood up. "It's okay, we're not there yet." He grabbed Aimé's hand to pull him to his feet. "And don't be so melodramatic."

"Right."

The first thing Aimé did was hide the flashlight together with their other things under some bushes. He felt much better afterwards and at night he slept like a stone.

 

Aimé woke up in the morning and saw that Alexander had fallen asleep even though it was his turn to keep watch. There were both still alive so no harm was done. As if he could feel Aimé watching him Alexander opened his eyes and sat up straight instantly, "I'm not asleep."

Aimé smiled. "Sure. I'm gonna go for a swim." He walked over to the pond, pulling his shirt off on the way and resisted the temptation to look back to see whether Alexander was watching him. 

He was sure he had seen a fish in the pond the day before so he dived around for a while until he did see what looked like a rudd dart away. He put his clothes back on, ran over to the where he had left Alexander and immediately forgot all thoughts of fish. Alexander was standing in the tall grass and right in front of him - with bared teeth and black eyes - a wolf.

"Alexander, step back." Aimé picked up his machete and was set on chasing the wolf away but Alexander held up a hand signaling Aimé to stay back.

"Wait," he said in a low calm voice as not to startle the animal while keeping his eyes fixed on it, "It's not going to attack."

Alexander crouched down and extended his hand towards the wolf. To Aimé's surprise the animal cocked its ears and cautiously took a few steps towards Alexander. After some hesitation it nudged Alexander's fingers with its nose before jumping back to put some distance between them again.

Aimé did not put his machete away. "Alexander, don't be stupid, this is a wild wolf. Have you never heard of rabies?"

Alexander looked up to him and smiled, "It's not a wolf. And I'm pretty sure it's not a mutt."

Aimé looked at the animal again that was now watching them with curiosity and really it was much smaller than it had first appeared. It had short tawny fur and a lean build, more like a wild dog.

Aimé frowned. "Where did it come from though? I don't think there's a way we would have missed it walking around the whole area."

"You still think it's something the game makers put here but I can assure you it's harmless." Alexander held his hand out to the animal and clicked his tongue to get it to come close again but it kept its distance and eyed Aimé warily.

"I'm just saying don't throw caution to the wind," Aimé said as the wild dog trotted over to the stream to drink and then disappeared between the shrubs. "It looks like a cute puppy now but tomorrow it's gonna bring its friends and they're going to eat us in our sleep."

"Don't meet trouble halfway, Aimé."

Aimé smirked. "Why, meeting trouble halfway is my forte. Anyway, I was just at the pond and there are definitely fish in there. Well, a fish at least. Have you ever gone fishing?"

"No," Alexander said slowly.

"Well, you're in luck." Aimé did not know why he was so inexplicably chipper and did not want to question it in case the feeling might go away. "Because we are now going to find out a way to fish using only the junk we have."

Alexander nodded. "That's doable."

 

It turned out to be not quite that doable. At first they tried to catch fish with their backpack which had way too much drag in the water for the fast little fish. Aimé suggested cutting holes in the bottom which was followed by a discussion whether they could sacrifice the backpack. It was Alexander who discovered that their jackets had a mesh lining they could cut out without making the jacket unusable. They tied the mesh pieces together and ended up with what could be called a fishing net.

Aimé was wading through the water in just his underpants trying to get close enough to fish to use the net.

"Alexander, I need you to get in here and shoo the fish in my direction."

Alexander who had been watching from the side rolled up his pant legs and gingerly walked into the water.

"Don't worry, it's shallow here, no way you can drown." Aimé laughed and splashed Alexander with water.

Alexander wiped the water off his face with his arm. "Is this a joke to you?"

It was hard for Aimé to keep a straight face. "No, I would never."

Alexander started wading around to rouse the fish to swim into the net Aimé was holding. Within a few steps he slipped on a rock and fell into the water lengthwise. Aimé laughed at first but when Alexander stood up again he might as well not have worn any clothes the way his were clinging to him and Aimé's laugh caught in his throat. He could tell that save the last few days Alexander had been eating well all his life. The softness in his angles was giving it away, his almost pudgy belly, and Aimé felt very self-conscious about his own scrawny body.

 

In the end they managed to coax three fish into their net none bigger than their hand. They made a small fire and roasted the fish on a stone, eating it slowly mainly because it was riddled with tiny bones. The wild dog showed up sniffing the air but was not quite brave enough to come close. Alexander threw him a fish head. 

Aimé sighed. "Don't feed it."

The dog picked up the head and flitted away, only to come back minutes later and look at Alexander expectantly.

Aimé gave him a warning glance but knew it was no use. "I swear to god if you give it more..."

Sure enough Alexander did throw the other two fish heads to the dog. When it came back to beg for more Aimé threw one of his shoes.

 

Towards midday the sun became so scorching they did not leave the shade between the trees. Aimé was mending their fishing net and every so often looked up to watch Alexander carve away at a piece of wood with his dagger. 

He caught himself thinking about living here in this perfect hermetically sealed bubble within the games and nothing would ever come to get him, forgotten by game makers and other tributes. Alexander was in this picture too almost as a given. He scolded himself for holding onto this.

"Alexander?"

Alexander looked up. "Yes?"

"How many others do you think are left?" They had not watched the announcements in two days.

"Not more than five, probably less." From the way his face hardened Aimé could tell he did not like thinking about it either.

"The thought that my days are numbered used to be a comforting one," Aimé said and tried to laugh lightly but could not bring himself to. "It is not now."

Alexander was silent. Wood chips were falling to his feet as he was carving.

"Alexander?"

Alexander's hand holding the dagger stilled. "Yes?"

Aimé took a deep breath. 

"Nothing."

 

Two days went by at a strange pace, long and leisurely. Aimé could feel his reality fray at the edges. Only occasionally the dreaded feeling of waiting for something horrible to happen caught up with him but mostly he got lost in absurd domestic fantasies about Alexander and him and a happy ever after where they made a home of this place. 

They had not seen the dog since that time they had caught fish, not even when they walked around the area even though there was barely anywhere to hide. On cue the animal turned up when they cooked fish again and it brought another dog alongside it. Alexander did not throw them the fish heads but held one in his outstretched hand and waited patiently for the dogs to come and get it.

Aimé had given up on convincing him the dogs were better left alone. "Are you trying to tame them? Do you want a pet dog?" 

"We have a lot of dogs in nine to guard the fields and cats in the granaries." Alexander leaned back against a tree trunk to finish his last bit of fish as he watched the dogs run off.

Aimé sat next to Alexander and rested his shoulder against him. Aimé had gotten good at recognizing the little tells in Alexander's posture and movements that gave away when he wanted Aimé to touch him. There was tension between them but only the kind that Aimé could bare. Alexander had his arms crossed in a way that his knuckles brushed Aimé's ribs. 

He looked at Alexander from the side. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a great profile. Like it should be on a coin."

Alexander kept his eyes fixed in the distance. "No. That's not a thing people usually say."

In a moment of audacity Aimé turned his head so his mouth was right next to Alexander's ear where he knew Alexander would be able to feel warm breath against his neck.

"If I die without having kissed you I'm gonna be so mad," he said with a voice low and throaty, bordering on caricatural so Alexander would pick up on the joke.

He could almost hear the gears in Alexander's brain work.

"You very much have ... we ... "

Aimé laughed. "Oh, right. That turned out less smooth than I was aiming for. Don't worry, I got more lines. Uhm, just think about all the stuff they'll parachute us if we make out?"

Alexander scooted away, bringing a few inches of distance between them. "I am not going to kiss you," he said very businesslike.

"Alexander, I'm just kidding around. I know this is like your line you won't cross. Sorry, you gotta be patient with me, I'm new to this."

Alexander frowned slightly, "New to what?"

"Taking it slow."

Alexander opened his mouth but nothing came out.

"Hm." Aimé smiled to himself. "I'm glad, you know. That I'm here with you. Johanna would have driven me up the wall by now. I mean don't get me wrong, you absolutely do drive me up the wall but I never expected any less from you."

"You are not very good at giving compliments," Alexander said but there was no hiding the blush that crept up his cheeks.

"No, but neither are you."

Alexander was silent for a moment before he said quietly, "I'm glad you're here too."

Aimé put on a surprised face. "I'm sorry, I did not get that, what did you just say?"

Alexander stood up abruptly but just as he was about to walk away a parachute came down, bearing the emblem of district twelve.

"Yay, free stuff," Aimé unwrapped the cloth bundle to reveal a small loaf of bread and some goat cheese which looked astonishingly like the kind he used to buy back home. He broke the bread and held it up to his nose to smell. He sighed happily. "Oh god. Heaven."

There was a note too that said: _take it as an incentive_ , but Aimé managed to hide it before Alexander could see. He already had a bad enough conscience and did not want to give Alexander the impression all the sweet talk was just to get a treat, that Aimé was using him.

"Sit," Aimé said insistently, "You can't tell me you're not hungry."

Alexander hesitated.

Aimé sighed. "Alexander if-I-knew-your-middle-name-this-would-sound-way-more-emphatic Humboldt. Sit down and have some bread with me. I promise, no jokes."

Alexander sat down and they shared bread and cheese.

"Alexander is technically my middle name."

Aimé looked up. "What's your first name then?"

"Friedrich."

"Oh boy."

"Do you have a middle name?"

"You don't wanna know," Aimé mumbled but Alexander kept looking at him expectantly.

"Alright, if you must know, it's Alexandre. And believe me I wish I was kidding."

Alexander had a strange look on his face. He took another bite of the bread. "This is not very good."

"Watch what you're saying. This is the bread we eat in twelve, it is very good," Aimé objected.

"You should try the bread we have in nine. That's real bread. Not this."

"Oi!" Aimé was about launch into a whole argument about why this was the perfect bread but was distracted by three of the wild dogs coming close, curiously sniffing the air. Aimé could not tell which of them was the original dog they had met first or if they were three completely different dogs.

"Looks like we have guests. Sorry, guys, I don't think you'd like bread or cheese."

The dogs seemed to come to the same conclusion and made their way back to wherever they had come from.

A sudden thought made Aimé jump to his feet and beckon Alexander to follow.

"Come on, we're going to see where they run off to."

They followed the dogs across the valley but as they stepped around a few trees Alexander and Aimé found themselves standing in front of the force field at the foot of the hill with the dogs nowhere in sight.

Aimé narrowed his eyes. "Where did they go?"

"Aimé...," Alexander began.

"I know, they can't have just disappeared."

"No, Aimé, look." Alexander pointed to further up on the hill where the dogs were lying in the sun on the other side of the force field.

Aimé's mouth fell open. "It could be different dogs."

"They're the same dogs. I'm sure."

The implication of this made Aimé dumbstruck.

"Alexander, that-" he said voice trembling.

Alexander shook his head the smallest bit.

"Let's go back."

Aimé took a deep breath to calm himself down. He was thankful at least one of them was keeping a level head.

 

When they settled down for the night Aimé's thoughts were racing around how they could get away, if they could get away. After a while he noticed Alexander was watching him intently.

"I've never seen you like this," Alexander explained as he was caught staring.

"Like what?"

"Hopeful," Alexander said and Aimé's heart broke a bit.

He leaned close to Alexander who froze immediately.

"Do you think we'll make it out of here?" he mumbled into Alexander's clavicle. He felt Alexander nod and moved back to look him in the eyes, which were grey as ever, confident and earnest.

They shared the remaining bread and cheese.

Aimé knew there was no way he would be able to sleep now so he offered to keep watch first. Alexander lay down on his side, his jacket draped over his shoulders. As long as it was not quite dark yet Aimé could see Alexander's eyes open from time to time as if he too had trouble falling asleep.

Aimé watched the star constellations move across the sky, the night air was mellow and hours flowed into each other. The moon was a razor thin sliver so the dark was thick and opaque, Aimé could barely make out the silhouettes of trees against the sky. He was itching to find the way past the horse field but knew they had to be cautious about it.

It had to be past midnight when he heard Alexander stir. There was no telling whether he had slept at all but he was definitely awake now. Aimé heard the jacket slide of Alexander's shoulders and fall to the ground as he sat up. Next thing he knew Alexander was sitting next to him, close, not quite touching. In the dark it was impossible to read the expression on his face. Neither of them spoke or acknowledged the other's presence for a few moments.

It took Aimé by surprise when Alexander quietly turned his head towards him and rested his forehead against Aimé's temple. When Alexander blinked Aimé could feel his eyelashes on his cheek. Aimé was unsure whether to move, unfamiliar territory stretching out under him like thin ice, but there was none of that rush of panic, his heart did not skip, there was no tremble in his hand when he lifted it to cup Alexander's jawline. Aimé turned his head to the side and they were not kissing, not quite, just resting their foreheads together and sharing the same air for minutes. Aimé was not the one to close the space between their lips, he did not dare impose on Alexander and there was no urgency, no point to make, only silky unending darkness.

Aimé heard the soft whisper of clothes as Alexander moved his hand, grasped the shirt fabric at the back of Aimé's neck and angled his head up for the fraction of an inch it took to make their lips touch fleetingly before breaking off again.

Delight rippled through Aimé's body and he brought his other hand up to cup Alexander's jaw and kiss him again, feather light touches, once, twice. The third time Alexander did not let him break the kiss. He held Aimé in place by his shirt collar. Alexander's lips were chapped and when he moved his hand up from Aimé's shirt to his neck, Aimé could feel the scab on his palm where the abrasions were healing.

There was a patience in the kiss that Aimé was new too, a quiet, a calm, a steadiness. The fact that by morning everyone in the capital would have seen them kiss was neither here nor there and hardly earth shattering compared to the way Alexander's chest rose and fell, sure and predictable like the ebb and flow of the tide and so very alive all thoughts of death were pushed to the back of Aimé's head.

Aimé broke off the kiss to put what he was feeling into words but every explanation he was composing in his head came down to words he did not dare say, so instead he rested his head on Alexander's shoulder hoping that morning would not come all too soon.


	12. Carl and Wilhelm

 

Carl was walking home after a nauseating meeting with Snow's physicists. There was a car waiting to take him but he preferred to walk. He was counting his steps. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight -

Nine. The number of days since he had last seen Johanna.

One-hundred-and-five. The number of days they had been married before the inconceivable had happened.

Twenty-eight. The number of freckles on her face. A perfect number.

One in six. The chance that he would see Johanna again. Maybe more, maybe less. Too many unknown variables to know for sure.

Twenty-one. The approximate number of hours he had slept during the last nine days.

Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four - he was put off his stride when he bumped into another man. The papers Carl was holding went flying to the ground.

"My apologies," the man said and bend down to pick up the papers but then he caught a closer look of Carl's face and stopped. "Carl Gauß?"

"The very."

"A pleasure. I've heard so much about you." The man extended his hand but Carl made no move to take it.

"And you are?"

The man looked surprised and then waited for a few beats as if expecting Carl to remember. When he realized Carl did not recognize him a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Wilhelm Humboldt. Your wife is doing very well in the arena."

"No need to sham sympathy here, Mr Humboldt." Carl gathered his notes in a folder. "Let's not pretend you have any interest in Johanna doing well while your brother is still alive."

"He would not be if it weren't for her. I should express my gratitude."

Carl gave Wilhelm a sullen look.

Wilhelm cleared his throat. "I gathered President Snow is having you work for him? There is not much I can do for Mrs Gauß really, but I will try to put in a good word for you. I might just know the right people to talk to so we can get you home to twelve after the games. However those may progress."

Carl made a noncommittal sound. He had already put up with way too much social interaction for one day for his liking and just wanted to get to his desk. In an attempt to get rid of Wilhelm he just started walking away, Max three steps behind him like a shadow.

"I know what you're going through. You'll get better at enduring it," Wilhelm called after him but Carl kept walking and did not react.

Wilhelm sighed and waved his assistant to write down a reminder to make a few calls regarding Carl. 

"Lunch appointment?"

The assistant checked the calendar. "No, sir, you have a three o'clock with Mrs Forsythe but nothing til then."

"Thank you. Can you have the records from last week's meeting on my desk by one?"

"Of course."

"Anything else?"

"It's Caroline's birthday."

Wilhelm frowned. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did. I had flowers and jewelry send to her." 

"Alright. I'm sure we can squeeze in a visit after the three o'clock. God, I need a coffee. And -" Wilhelm paused, "Alexander?"

"No news, sir."

Wilhelm nodded. "I can't believe he is one year older than I was during the games. He seems so young.", he said while getting into his car.

His assistant sat down next to him, "You never really stopped thinking of him as the baby brother."  

"You know me so well it's frightening." He leaned forward to turn the car radio up and continued in a low voice. "About what we talked about, what I think Alexander might be consider doing. It's the dumbest idea ever, honestly, but to hell with it ... I want to talk to that contact we have in the master control room as soon as possible. And please look into if there's anything else we can do to have as little attention on Alexander as possible." Wilhelm looked out the car window, "The other day I wanted to write a letter to him and then I remembered he's in the arena."

"You'll get better at enduring," the assistant said, her tone neutral.

Wilhelm took a deep breath. "One can hope."

      


	13. Part Three - III

The first light of dawn came in from the east and with it a parachute with district twelve's emblem. Aimé opened it to find a loaf of bread with a note saying: _to prove you wrong_.

Alexander's eyes lit up as he saw the bread. "It's from home!"

Aimé tried it but refused to admit it was good so as not to encourage the smug expression on Alexander's face.

They decided to collect dandelion leaves, of course entirely incidentally next to the force field where they could keep an eye out for the dogs. Alexander as ever was not generous with touch and Aimé had not exactly expected things to change but he was searching for any kind of reassurance.

"Alexander?"

Alexander turned around to him. The skin around his fingernails was tinted green from picking leaves.

Aimé made a frustrated sound. He wanted to say something but could not get himself to. Alexander watched him, waiting patiently.

"You always make me feel like I'm asking too much," Aimé said quietly, "Which is stupid, I never ask anything of you."

Alexander looked at him somewhat sheepishly.

"Do you need the dark to hide behind, huh?" Aimé continued, now resentful. "So by the light of day it looks like a whole other story?"

Alexander wordlessly took a step forward and clipped him round the ear once, making him stop talking.

"Aimé, you're such a dimwit," Alexander said and pressed a kiss to the corner of Aimé's mouth. The dandelion he had collected fell out of his hands. 

Aimé felt giddy. He laughed, his voice cracking. "You're giving me some real mixed signals here."

Alexander had already continued picking dandelion, his face flushed.

Aimé joined him after a moment but could not quite concentrate on the task. "Alexander, let's take a break and eat."

Alexander brushed his fingers over Aimé's arm as he sat down next to him, deliberate and lingering. Aimé felt a warm fondness seep through his body. 

They unwrapped the fish they had brought hoping the smell would attract the dogs. And really almost immediately a dog appeared on the far side of the force field sniffing the air. Aimé tried to not let his excitement show when it disappeared behind some scrub and seconds later crawled out from under a dead tree that was wedged between a couple of boulders and overgrown by ivy.

"Good boy, come here." Alexander threw the dog a fish head which it picked up and ran back to the tree only to reappear on the other side of the force field.

Alexander and Aimé exchanged a look. They continued picking dandelion for a while after that so they would not look too suspicious before they returned to their spot near the river.

 

They ate the young dandelion leaves later, Aimé complaining about the bitterness and Alexander going on and on about how it had more iron than spinach. When they were sitting in the sun after they had eaten Alexander leaned in and Aimé misunderstanding the gesture kissed him. Alexander made a surprised sound against his lips and turned his head slightly so he could whisper into Aimé's ear. He had his hand in Aimé's hair so his arm would block his mouth.

"Tonight. There's no point in waiting, it is not going to get easier."

Aimé would have liked nothing more than to stall, just pretend they were safe here for a little while longer, but he knew their odds were as good now as they would get, it was now or never so he nodded.

He nuzzled Alexander's neck, hoping that to the cameras it would look like a simple display of affection. "What if we get to the other side, what then?"

Alexander moved back and looked at Aimé with an expression that told him he did not know either and the possibility they might run right into the gamemakers' hands hung heavy between them but they both knew the alternative was to stay put and wait for someone to find them which was a thought scarier than the unknown.

A small part of Aimé's brain also noticed how naturally the _we_ had come to him and wondered when he started thinking of them as _we_.

 

Nothing was worse than trying to make the rest of the day go by. They were lying in the shade, Alexander was trying to teach one of the dogs how to fetch, so far unsuccessfully.

Aimé squashed a mosquito on his arm, blood staining his skin. "I feel horrible not knowing how Johanna's doing. It feels like abandoning her."

"She was the one who left, remember. She'll be fine." Alexander scratched the dog behind its ear.

Aimé watched warily how trusting Alexander was around the animal. "Still. I never thought I'd say this but I miss other people."

"Other people?"

Aimé shrugged. "Yeah, just like the normal down to earth folk from twelve. Something you learn to appreciate once it's gone."

Alexander looked at him with doubt. "I can't say I miss the people in nine."

Aimé hesitated for a moment, then he heard himself ask, "Would you have looked at me twice if you'd met me in nine?"

It was almost impossible to read the expression on Alexander's face. "Why would you ask that? We would never have met, you've lived in twelve your whole life." He threw a stick, the dog watched but made no attempt to run after it. "You would not do it again then? If you had the chance."

Aimé looked down to his hands. "Well, not from where I'm standing right now, no. But in that moment it's what I did. I like to tell myself everything happens for a reason. Even if's not a good one."

Alexander shook his head but did not say anything.

"What were your plans for the future before you got reaped?" Aimé asked.

"As a child I always wanted to travel and see the world." Alexander laughed, "Can you imagine?"

"The world," Aimé repeated.

"Hm. Wilhelm was going to help me get a job at a biology research facility in the capitol. If that wouldn't have worked out I would have ended up in plant breeding in nine. How about you?"

"Grow wormwood till I die. Maybe get married. I never made any plans really. In twelve you learn to keep your expectations low." Aimé paused. "Can I ask you something?"

Alexander inclined his head slightly. "You've been asking me things this whole time."

"Are you angry with your brother?" Aimé said quickly before he could think better of it.

Alexander was visibly caught on the wrong foot but tried to cover it up by ruffling the dog's fur. It wagged its tail.

"I'm not angry," he said eventually. "He did not ask for this."

"It's okay to be angry, you know. I am."

Alexander frowned, "At Wilhelm?"

"No, not him ..." He felt Alexander's hand on his shoulder. Alexander's expressions of sympathy were always quiet ones, wordless and somewhat clumsy, and it took some practice to even recognize them as such. Aimé turned his head to touch his lips to the inside of Alexander's wrist.

An unnerving thought had been gnawing at the back of his mind for days. He could not help but wonder whether he enjoy Alexander's company just because it was more comforting than being alone and there was no one else here.

"Hey," Alexander said interrupting Aimé's thoughts, "sun's setting."

They watched the sky turn orange and pink, the light fade.

Alexander checked whether his dagger was in its sheath securely on his thigh. Aimé saw him breathe in deeply. He put his right hand on Aimé's jawline, thumb brushing the corner of his mouth, hesitating only a second before he put his left hand on the other side of Aimé's face.

He pressed his forehead against Aimé's. "I need you unrepentant and unafraid, okay?"

There was another question there, a _Will we be alright? I am sure; are you?_

He looked into Aimé's eyes, searching. Aimé nodded, a lump in his throat.

They heard the first notes of the anthem of Panem.

"Okay." Alexander pressed a quick kiss to Aimé's lips and pulled him to his feet.

They ran towards the force field, hands clasped so tightly Aimé could feel it cutting off his blood flow. He was glad Alexander was taking the lead since he felt like somewhere between throwing up and fainting.

Alexander climbed into the hole between the tree and boulders first, pulling Aimé down with him. Aimé was relieved to find the tunnel relatively roomy although he could not see far ahead into the darkness squeezed between Alexander and cold earth. He could not tell whether the anthem of panem had already stopped playing or they were just too far under the ground.

Alexander turned to face him, "Aimé, do you trust me?"

Aimé nodded before his brain could take over to make him say no.

Alexander handed him his dagger. "I need you to cut the tracker out of my arm. I can't do it on myself," he said in a hurried hushed voice while pulling his jacket sleeve down to expose his arm. He stuffed some of the fabric of his jacket into his mouth and gave Aimé a nod.

Aimé was glad to have some instincts of a healer at least so his fingers were steady when he felt for the little capsule at the inside of Alexander's arm and held it in place to slice the skin over it. He heard Alexander groan stifled by the fabric between his teeth. Aimé pushed the tracker out of the cut.

Alexander blinked a few times as if to collect himself, then he took the fabric out of his mouth. His breathing came fast and hard. Aimé would have liked to treat the wound and make sure he was okay first but he knew there was no time. Alexander took the dagger from him and pulled Aimé close. Aimé pressed his face into Alexander's shoulder so he did not see Alexander cut but felt the piercing pain shoot up his arm.

His legs wanted to buckle under him for a second but Alexander already dragged him along into the darkness. The tunnel did get narrower almost immediately so they had to crawl which was a slow enough process to give Aimé time to think, something he wanted to avoid desperately. The adrenaline helped with the pain but the panic fear was there and the growing sense of foreboding that there was no way the game makers had not caught on to their attempt at escape and they would stop them any second now ... But the seconds passed and they were still crawling through the dirt unimpeded. Wolfs don't even build burrows with tunnels, his brain told him. He could feel his fingers become wet and sticky from his own blood running down his arm mixing with the dirt. You're going to catch lockjaw, his brain said. Are you ready to die, it asked. _I am not._ Are you angry, it asked. _Yes._ At yourself? _Yes._ But? _Unrepentant._ Unafraid? _Very afraid._

All of a sudden moonlight shone bright in his face, blinding him momentarily. Alexander's hand was in his pulling him up into the open, the force of it making him crash against Alexander's body, stumbling. They exchanged a look, Alexander glanced back to the force field now behind them, then they started running over the hill and without hesitation into the forest they found on the other side.They let go of each other's hand to be able to run faster. Aimé was strangely reminded of running into the forest on the first day of the games now an eternity away. But the further they got it felt like a very different forest, breathing and alive. Aimé's feet thumped on the soft ground in unison with his heart beat and Alexander's panting just next to him.

He was still expecting to feel a bullet pierce his skin at any moment, someone had to stop them, there was no way it was this ludicrously easy. They kept on running. No hail of bullets came down on them. Aimé looked up to the sky that was mostly hidden by the tree tops and mumbled a thank you. He felt his mind calm all of a sudden just as exhaustion was starting to make itself felt in his bones. They slowed down a bit, not daring to stop just now. It was out of the corner of his eyes that he saw Alexander drop to the ground. It took two terrifying seconds for Aimé to rush over to him. Alexander was lying on the ground and looked up to him visibly surprised to see his worried face.

"I tripped."

Aimé laughed, his lungs burning from all the running. He sank to his knees next to Alexander and threw his arms around him, holding him tight for just a moment.

"Don't do this to me again. I can't take it," Aimé said as he helped Alexander back to his feet. He looked around, dense forest in every direction.

"Where are we?"

"I don’t know," Alexander said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Does that scare you?"

Aimé looked up to the slivers of dark sky between the leaves of the trees.

_Does it?_

He was scared of many things. Being lost was not one of them.

_Does it?_

Aimé laughed helplessly, breathlessly. 

"I don’t know." 

Alexander held out his hand to Aimé.

"Then let's find out.”

  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have an implausible happy ending - the best kind of ending, huh?
> 
> Thanks to everyone who encouraged and advised me during writing, especially Frauke and Sorrel <3
> 
> Shout out to this rly neat thg fanvid:  
> [The Hunger Games || The Weight of Us](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG3T_2HClIA)


End file.
